Jaffl3
Active Member
Hi again, it's been a while since I did the first one of these so I thought I would do another one. I think a link to the first one will be on the right, but I'm not promising anything. So yeah, this is another awful first date, and again I think I was about 14 at the time. It's sort of two dates mashed into one, but I won't ruin it by saying any more.
Right, well, there was a girl I'd seen around at school who I had a massive crush on - I think she was in the year below me. Let's call her… Mandy. From my point of view she was perfect, she was about my height, with long dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. Of course, being a useless, inexperienced teenager I had no idea what to do about this, so the first step I chose was naturally to stalk her on the internet and eventually add her as a friend on Bebo. My spectacular tactics then involved waiting for her to ask why the feck I'd added her, and then acting confused. Luckily for me, she was an idiot, so it worked. The first thing I said to her was something like 'sory i fort u were sum1 els, hows u neway xx'.
Call me Casanova.
So the awkward conversation progressed into semi-friendly conversation, and then a little flirting on my part. She didn't seem to be interested, but I powered through and at some point asked to meet up. Miraculously, she agreed to go to the cinema with me, although she still hadn't shown any other sign that she even liked me.
Similar to the first awful date, we both decided to bring a friend with us to lessen the awkwardness. This time, I decided not to bring Ricky. He wondered why. My awfully shallow plan involved my friend - let's call him Andy. Andy wasn't the best looking guy in the world, and I had an inkling that he might have been gay - at least this time I knew my date wouldn't end up hitting on my friend.
So there we were, waiting at the cinema, me probably looking a deathly white colour from the nervousness, and Andy looking a little bit like a pug. That was just because of his face, though. Poor guy.
Time went by, and I decided to give Mandy a text to see where she was. She didn't answer, so I phoned her. No answer again. I phoned her a few times, getting understandably quite worried.
It got to the point where we couldn't wait any longer, so we went in and watched the film.
I suppose this is where the real first date ends, which turned out to be a nice romantic movie with a dog-faced boy. It was a good film, nonetheless.
Later that day, Mandy phoned me and told me she had suddenly contracted tonsillitis. Yes, phoned me and spoke to me. In her normal voice.
So that was that, I thought, as soon as the terrible excuses come out there's no hope. We didn't speak for a few days, and I just assumed nothing more would happen between us.
Then, out of the blue, she asked me to go on a 'triple date' with her and some friends. This was risky, as I wouldn't have a dangerously ugly friend to help me persuade her how ravishing I was. I agreed anyway, although again I didn't feel like she actually wanted to go on a date with me, so I was very confused. I also didn't know any of her friends at all, so this had potential to be disastrous.
A week or so later I found myself waiting at the very same cinema as before, this time even paler and Andy-less. Eventually the others turned up together, all giggling and joking around. Mandy introduced me to them, Sandy, Brandy, Randy and… Erm… Gandhi.
After I congratulated them on having such wonderful names, (particularly Gandhi), we went into the cinema. As I mentioned in the first story, I'm rather short sighted, and once again wanted to impress my date with a marvellous, spectacle free face. I did actually want to watch the film, which was a shame, although I was also hoping that Mandy wouldn't want to watch the film anyway.
Well it turns out she did. Oh well.
So much so, in fact, that she sat glaring at the screen with her hands in her lap the entire way through it.
I did attempt the old yawn-stretch-arm-over-shoulder tactic, but she didn't react to it at all. She didn't even let me put my arm round her properly, which resulted in the blood flow to my arm being restricted. This in turn later resulted in me whacking her in the head as I tried to retrieve my lost arm. I tried to gently stroke her head to see if she was alright, but as I could hardly feel or control my arm this ended up as more of a patronising pat on the head. I pulled my arm back and sternly squinted at the screen until the film ended and we went somewhere else.
We (they) decided we would walk into town, because town had cool things. Like fudge, and hopefully a good date. On the way, they thought it would be a good idea to take the old lift down to the harbour. The thing is, this old lift is, well, old. Very old.
After tripping on thin air and almost dragging an unsuspecting old woman into the lift with us, I apologised and calmly stepped into the rickety lift as someone pressed the ground floor button.
We got about half way before the lift decided it wasn't comfortable with the situation at all, and just froze. After reluctantly accepting the fact that we were never getting out, Brandy managed to sweet talk the lift into taking us the rest of the way down.
This palaver made Mandy and her chums awfully hungry, and we drifted over to a shop. During our time in the shop, the lovely owner decided he would follow me round very closely, just in case I slipped and the shop fell into my pocket. Mandy bought a large bag of fudge and Gandhi bought some Indian independence via non-violent civil disobedience.
As it turns out, Mandy was very hungry indeed, and quickly opened the fudge to eat some. Simultaneously, Randy decided the one thing he wanted at that exact moment was to see Mandy stuff the entire bag of fudge into her mouth, because that would just be funnier than anything ever. Gandhi disagreed because he thought that was just a waste of fudge.
Mandy, however, took up this challenge, much to mine and Gandhi's dismay. She then proceeded to stuff roughly fifteen chunks of fudge into her rather small mouth, and after feebly trying to chew it all, threw up into the harbour. Her friends watched, and I attempted to comfort her. As in the cinema, she completely ignored me, and continued to throw up. I decided not to hit her this time, though.
She eventually stopped and giggled with her friends. Soon after that she decided she should go home as she had enjoyed throwing up mouthfuls of fudge more than the rest of the date, so we hugged weakly and she went home.
I couldn't bring myself to eat fudge for a long time after that, and that was the end of me and Mandy.
Well, thank you for reading if you made it this far, if you just skipped to the end then fuck you.
Nah, I'm kidding, thanks for trying. It's the thought that counts.
Maybe I won't leave it another two months before writing another one this time.
Maybe.
Right, well, there was a girl I'd seen around at school who I had a massive crush on - I think she was in the year below me. Let's call her… Mandy. From my point of view she was perfect, she was about my height, with long dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. Of course, being a useless, inexperienced teenager I had no idea what to do about this, so the first step I chose was naturally to stalk her on the internet and eventually add her as a friend on Bebo. My spectacular tactics then involved waiting for her to ask why the feck I'd added her, and then acting confused. Luckily for me, she was an idiot, so it worked. The first thing I said to her was something like 'sory i fort u were sum1 els, hows u neway xx'.
Call me Casanova.
So the awkward conversation progressed into semi-friendly conversation, and then a little flirting on my part. She didn't seem to be interested, but I powered through and at some point asked to meet up. Miraculously, she agreed to go to the cinema with me, although she still hadn't shown any other sign that she even liked me.
Similar to the first awful date, we both decided to bring a friend with us to lessen the awkwardness. This time, I decided not to bring Ricky. He wondered why. My awfully shallow plan involved my friend - let's call him Andy. Andy wasn't the best looking guy in the world, and I had an inkling that he might have been gay - at least this time I knew my date wouldn't end up hitting on my friend.
So there we were, waiting at the cinema, me probably looking a deathly white colour from the nervousness, and Andy looking a little bit like a pug. That was just because of his face, though. Poor guy.
Time went by, and I decided to give Mandy a text to see where she was. She didn't answer, so I phoned her. No answer again. I phoned her a few times, getting understandably quite worried.
It got to the point where we couldn't wait any longer, so we went in and watched the film.
I suppose this is where the real first date ends, which turned out to be a nice romantic movie with a dog-faced boy. It was a good film, nonetheless.
Later that day, Mandy phoned me and told me she had suddenly contracted tonsillitis. Yes, phoned me and spoke to me. In her normal voice.
So that was that, I thought, as soon as the terrible excuses come out there's no hope. We didn't speak for a few days, and I just assumed nothing more would happen between us.
Then, out of the blue, she asked me to go on a 'triple date' with her and some friends. This was risky, as I wouldn't have a dangerously ugly friend to help me persuade her how ravishing I was. I agreed anyway, although again I didn't feel like she actually wanted to go on a date with me, so I was very confused. I also didn't know any of her friends at all, so this had potential to be disastrous.
A week or so later I found myself waiting at the very same cinema as before, this time even paler and Andy-less. Eventually the others turned up together, all giggling and joking around. Mandy introduced me to them, Sandy, Brandy, Randy and… Erm… Gandhi.
After I congratulated them on having such wonderful names, (particularly Gandhi), we went into the cinema. As I mentioned in the first story, I'm rather short sighted, and once again wanted to impress my date with a marvellous, spectacle free face. I did actually want to watch the film, which was a shame, although I was also hoping that Mandy wouldn't want to watch the film anyway.
Well it turns out she did. Oh well.
So much so, in fact, that she sat glaring at the screen with her hands in her lap the entire way through it.
I did attempt the old yawn-stretch-arm-over-shoulder tactic, but she didn't react to it at all. She didn't even let me put my arm round her properly, which resulted in the blood flow to my arm being restricted. This in turn later resulted in me whacking her in the head as I tried to retrieve my lost arm. I tried to gently stroke her head to see if she was alright, but as I could hardly feel or control my arm this ended up as more of a patronising pat on the head. I pulled my arm back and sternly squinted at the screen until the film ended and we went somewhere else.
We (they) decided we would walk into town, because town had cool things. Like fudge, and hopefully a good date. On the way, they thought it would be a good idea to take the old lift down to the harbour. The thing is, this old lift is, well, old. Very old.
After tripping on thin air and almost dragging an unsuspecting old woman into the lift with us, I apologised and calmly stepped into the rickety lift as someone pressed the ground floor button.
We got about half way before the lift decided it wasn't comfortable with the situation at all, and just froze. After reluctantly accepting the fact that we were never getting out, Brandy managed to sweet talk the lift into taking us the rest of the way down.
This palaver made Mandy and her chums awfully hungry, and we drifted over to a shop. During our time in the shop, the lovely owner decided he would follow me round very closely, just in case I slipped and the shop fell into my pocket. Mandy bought a large bag of fudge and Gandhi bought some Indian independence via non-violent civil disobedience.
As it turns out, Mandy was very hungry indeed, and quickly opened the fudge to eat some. Simultaneously, Randy decided the one thing he wanted at that exact moment was to see Mandy stuff the entire bag of fudge into her mouth, because that would just be funnier than anything ever. Gandhi disagreed because he thought that was just a waste of fudge.
Mandy, however, took up this challenge, much to mine and Gandhi's dismay. She then proceeded to stuff roughly fifteen chunks of fudge into her rather small mouth, and after feebly trying to chew it all, threw up into the harbour. Her friends watched, and I attempted to comfort her. As in the cinema, she completely ignored me, and continued to throw up. I decided not to hit her this time, though.
She eventually stopped and giggled with her friends. Soon after that she decided she should go home as she had enjoyed throwing up mouthfuls of fudge more than the rest of the date, so we hugged weakly and she went home.
I couldn't bring myself to eat fudge for a long time after that, and that was the end of me and Mandy.
Well, thank you for reading if you made it this far, if you just skipped to the end then fuck you.
Nah, I'm kidding, thanks for trying. It's the thought that counts.
Maybe I won't leave it another two months before writing another one this time.
Maybe.
