Jaffl3
Active Member
(Afterthought - having fully completed writing this blog post it didn't turn out to be as funny as intended. I shall post nonetheless. Also it's technically not a first date. Read on with caution.)
Good evening fellow T9Kers, I bring to you a very special edition of Awful First Dates. I realise I don't really contribute to the community any more, but I hope this makes up for it somewhat, as you're the first place I've gone to. Also my other stories were so long ago there's a possibility that nobody even remembers me, in which case hi, I'm Jaffl3 and I'm terrible with women. The only good thing about this is that it makes other people laugh.
Anyway, the reason why this is a 'Special Edition' is mainly because this has just happened to me. I mean within the last half hour. So, this is very raw and this comes straight from my heart. But alas, first I must take you back in time, to the start of this story..
On Saturday the 21st of June, I awoke at my normal lazy o'clock, and had a fiddle with my phone to wake myself up. You know, checking e-mails, Facebook, whatever. Some of you may know what Tinder is - for those who don't, it's a simple kind of dating app. You're given a picture of someone, you say yes or no. You get the idea.
Anyway, I'd actually deleted the app a few months ago due to the chat feature being so groin-grabbingly bad, but re-downloaded it because of sheer boredom and the loneliness stabbing at the back of my eyes. During this new venture I had yet to match with anybody, which frankly wasn't too surprising.
Until that Saturday morning when I opened the app, fresh faced and sticky eyed, and was faced with one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. Normally you can't really get an impression of a girl simply by their looks, but I could with this girl. As usual I'm not using her real name, so fuck it, let's call her Aphrodite. So Aphrodite had this look about her.. the two words that came to mind were 'warm' and 'soft.' The kind of girl that looked so lovely even your mother would fall in love with her upon laying her eyes on her.
Anyway, I thought to myself, 'Oh wow', and lightly pressed the yes button. Her picture was whisked away, and the thought of her lingered briefly. A moment later a message appeared on my screen, declaring 'It's a match!'
I almost fell out of my bed in shock, not quite able to believe that a girl like her had thought me worthy of a 'Yes'. I immediately messaged her, unable to hold back my glee. I reminded myself that she may not even reply, and went about my day.
Lo and behold, she replied! During the next few days I received 1 or 2 messages per day from her, until the following Saturday - the 28th. On this morning I asked for her Facebook, and once we'd transferred to this slightly easier chat feature she opened up much more. She began to talk much more about herself, and I really began to like her. A lot. Chaps, words can't quite express just how lovely this girl was. She was funny too, and I mean really funny. Definitely my kind of humour.
Now, I'm sure I can't be the only one that thinks about things far too much. Since I first received a message from Aphrodite, my mind had been going crazy thinking about how things could go wrong. What if she doesn't like me? What if she's gone through my Facebook pictures and thought 'Mother of God what's this thing I've been talking to.' What if she thinks I'm boring? What if she thinks I'm being too forward? What if...
I would also think about possible positive situations, too. I began to imagine meeting her for the first time, perhaps smiling shyly, trying not to fall over my own legs, confronted with her beauty. Imagining her 'Haha's as actual laughter. Imagining more soppy things that would turn this story into something much more pathetic should I bother to list them.
As another brief(ish) tangent, I think it's funny how we spend so long waiting for someone 'perfect' to come along, and then shit ourselves when we think we might have found someone that appears to fit that description. We try to distance ourselves from the source of this perfection, hanging on for dear life as the current drags us so powerfully towards these feelings we're not quite sure we should be feeling. Not wanting to be in such a vulnerable position, in which we reluctantly open ourselves up and allow ourselves to be hurt so easily. Being in a position where this person could so easily slide a knife into our hearts and sever our deepest emotions from our souls. I don't know though, sounds like a load of bullshit when I read it back to be honest.
Anyway, bringing it back to about 10:30pm, GMT. Now just over an hour ago. I'm going out for a drink with some friends on Friday (the 4th of July, 2 days from now), two of which know Aphrodite. How perfect is this? All I have to do is casually mention the fact that I'm going out, drop the couple of names that she recognises, and hope for the best. What's the worst that could happen? If she makes an awful excuse or simply says no, that's it, I've got my answer, she doesn't like me. At least I would be able to move on if that happened.
Lol
So I thought it would be best to check with my friends to see if they were actually going to be attending this drinking session on Friday before mentioning it to Aphrodite. I message my friend, let's call him Zeus, to ask if he would be going. I also mention the fact that I would be inviting Aphrodite, so would inform her of his attendence should he be going. Here's the reply I got from him:
'I believe she is seeing someone now dude....so you'll have to find another'
What? Hang on.. what? What do you mean? She's what? But... she didn't.. what? Why wouldn't she mention it?
Of course at this point my heart began to pound and my stomach turned, seeing this potential relationship crumble before my eyes. That one line that crushed every thought of being with her. That one sentence delivered so casually, as if I wouldn't be too bothered.
I confronted her about this immediately, beginning with 'So this is slightly awkward, haha.' She revealed all, and explained that she had a date with somebody on Saturday the 5th. She also revealed that she thought I was friendzoning her, which is a bit fucking weird to be honest, especially considering I thought I was being a bit too clingy at some points. She apologised a thousand times, only strengthening my thoughts about her. She's such a lovely girl. Too lovely.
Of course I spilled the beans too, telling her how I felt. Giving her the opportunity to tell me she felt the same the whole time, but was just too shy to admit it.
Nope, none of that today, just infinite apologies, only confirming that the end had arrived and was glaring at us impatiently.
At this point I started to laugh, started to think about how ridiculous this ending was. I sat back with a grin on my face as she frowned sympathetically at me, her hand shaking as she plunged her knife into my chest. Her tears wetting it before my blood.
Well this took a pretty fucking dark turn didn't it? Like I said, this is very raw as it happened so recently. I wouldn't normally write so honestly, and perhaps everyone would rather I didn't. Anyway, I do apologise for people who came here expecting to be laughing their tits off by the end of this, it ended up as rather a horrid mixture of dark comedy and pain.
So there you go, everything went wrong before the first date even happened. How wonderful.
One of the last things I said to her was 'My friend is going to piss himself when I tell him this story.' I'm not sure I'll ever speak to her again, but at least it made a good story. Or did it? I don't even know any more, I think I've gone a little bit mad. I'm going to shuffle off this forum and back under my rock if that's alright. Thanks for listening chaps, hope everything's dandy with all of you.
Another afterthought having read this all back - a part of me that still refuses to let go of hope still tells me there's a chance that her date on Saturday will go horribly and she'll end up talking to me again, with more apologies but this time a request for a date.
Told you I've gone mad. I'm only human.
Until next time, farewell.
Good evening fellow T9Kers, I bring to you a very special edition of Awful First Dates. I realise I don't really contribute to the community any more, but I hope this makes up for it somewhat, as you're the first place I've gone to. Also my other stories were so long ago there's a possibility that nobody even remembers me, in which case hi, I'm Jaffl3 and I'm terrible with women. The only good thing about this is that it makes other people laugh.
Anyway, the reason why this is a 'Special Edition' is mainly because this has just happened to me. I mean within the last half hour. So, this is very raw and this comes straight from my heart. But alas, first I must take you back in time, to the start of this story..
On Saturday the 21st of June, I awoke at my normal lazy o'clock, and had a fiddle with my phone to wake myself up. You know, checking e-mails, Facebook, whatever. Some of you may know what Tinder is - for those who don't, it's a simple kind of dating app. You're given a picture of someone, you say yes or no. You get the idea.
Anyway, I'd actually deleted the app a few months ago due to the chat feature being so groin-grabbingly bad, but re-downloaded it because of sheer boredom and the loneliness stabbing at the back of my eyes. During this new venture I had yet to match with anybody, which frankly wasn't too surprising.
Until that Saturday morning when I opened the app, fresh faced and sticky eyed, and was faced with one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. Normally you can't really get an impression of a girl simply by their looks, but I could with this girl. As usual I'm not using her real name, so fuck it, let's call her Aphrodite. So Aphrodite had this look about her.. the two words that came to mind were 'warm' and 'soft.' The kind of girl that looked so lovely even your mother would fall in love with her upon laying her eyes on her.
Anyway, I thought to myself, 'Oh wow', and lightly pressed the yes button. Her picture was whisked away, and the thought of her lingered briefly. A moment later a message appeared on my screen, declaring 'It's a match!'
I almost fell out of my bed in shock, not quite able to believe that a girl like her had thought me worthy of a 'Yes'. I immediately messaged her, unable to hold back my glee. I reminded myself that she may not even reply, and went about my day.
Lo and behold, she replied! During the next few days I received 1 or 2 messages per day from her, until the following Saturday - the 28th. On this morning I asked for her Facebook, and once we'd transferred to this slightly easier chat feature she opened up much more. She began to talk much more about herself, and I really began to like her. A lot. Chaps, words can't quite express just how lovely this girl was. She was funny too, and I mean really funny. Definitely my kind of humour.
Now, I'm sure I can't be the only one that thinks about things far too much. Since I first received a message from Aphrodite, my mind had been going crazy thinking about how things could go wrong. What if she doesn't like me? What if she's gone through my Facebook pictures and thought 'Mother of God what's this thing I've been talking to.' What if she thinks I'm boring? What if she thinks I'm being too forward? What if...
I would also think about possible positive situations, too. I began to imagine meeting her for the first time, perhaps smiling shyly, trying not to fall over my own legs, confronted with her beauty. Imagining her 'Haha's as actual laughter. Imagining more soppy things that would turn this story into something much more pathetic should I bother to list them.
As another brief(ish) tangent, I think it's funny how we spend so long waiting for someone 'perfect' to come along, and then shit ourselves when we think we might have found someone that appears to fit that description. We try to distance ourselves from the source of this perfection, hanging on for dear life as the current drags us so powerfully towards these feelings we're not quite sure we should be feeling. Not wanting to be in such a vulnerable position, in which we reluctantly open ourselves up and allow ourselves to be hurt so easily. Being in a position where this person could so easily slide a knife into our hearts and sever our deepest emotions from our souls. I don't know though, sounds like a load of bullshit when I read it back to be honest.
Anyway, bringing it back to about 10:30pm, GMT. Now just over an hour ago. I'm going out for a drink with some friends on Friday (the 4th of July, 2 days from now), two of which know Aphrodite. How perfect is this? All I have to do is casually mention the fact that I'm going out, drop the couple of names that she recognises, and hope for the best. What's the worst that could happen? If she makes an awful excuse or simply says no, that's it, I've got my answer, she doesn't like me. At least I would be able to move on if that happened.
Lol
So I thought it would be best to check with my friends to see if they were actually going to be attending this drinking session on Friday before mentioning it to Aphrodite. I message my friend, let's call him Zeus, to ask if he would be going. I also mention the fact that I would be inviting Aphrodite, so would inform her of his attendence should he be going. Here's the reply I got from him:
'I believe she is seeing someone now dude....so you'll have to find another'
What? Hang on.. what? What do you mean? She's what? But... she didn't.. what? Why wouldn't she mention it?
Of course at this point my heart began to pound and my stomach turned, seeing this potential relationship crumble before my eyes. That one line that crushed every thought of being with her. That one sentence delivered so casually, as if I wouldn't be too bothered.
I confronted her about this immediately, beginning with 'So this is slightly awkward, haha.' She revealed all, and explained that she had a date with somebody on Saturday the 5th. She also revealed that she thought I was friendzoning her, which is a bit fucking weird to be honest, especially considering I thought I was being a bit too clingy at some points. She apologised a thousand times, only strengthening my thoughts about her. She's such a lovely girl. Too lovely.
Of course I spilled the beans too, telling her how I felt. Giving her the opportunity to tell me she felt the same the whole time, but was just too shy to admit it.
Nope, none of that today, just infinite apologies, only confirming that the end had arrived and was glaring at us impatiently.
At this point I started to laugh, started to think about how ridiculous this ending was. I sat back with a grin on my face as she frowned sympathetically at me, her hand shaking as she plunged her knife into my chest. Her tears wetting it before my blood.
Well this took a pretty fucking dark turn didn't it? Like I said, this is very raw as it happened so recently. I wouldn't normally write so honestly, and perhaps everyone would rather I didn't. Anyway, I do apologise for people who came here expecting to be laughing their tits off by the end of this, it ended up as rather a horrid mixture of dark comedy and pain.
So there you go, everything went wrong before the first date even happened. How wonderful.
One of the last things I said to her was 'My friend is going to piss himself when I tell him this story.' I'm not sure I'll ever speak to her again, but at least it made a good story. Or did it? I don't even know any more, I think I've gone a little bit mad. I'm going to shuffle off this forum and back under my rock if that's alright. Thanks for listening chaps, hope everything's dandy with all of you.
Another afterthought having read this all back - a part of me that still refuses to let go of hope still tells me there's a chance that her date on Saturday will go horribly and she'll end up talking to me again, with more apologies but this time a request for a date.
Told you I've gone mad. I'm only human.
Until next time, farewell.
.