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I Implore you all READ THIS

Melexiious

Melexiious

Well-Known Member
I thought I'd post this here because some of you don't have me added on facebook, that's okay. I need to say this to you all. This was originally a post on facebook, so... just think this is facebook, for me.
:D




Okay people, I'll be honest with you all. Everything written here is 100% SERIOUS.
This comes from the deepest pits of my heart, I Implore you to read it all, I don't care WHO you are. May we be passing acquaintances or best friends... Read this.

From the people I hang out with to the Hanclave, to the peeps from BAU to cool cats Team9000... I've pretty much been well, lying to you. I've put up a veil of happiness in place of the feelings deep down inside me of sadness and just general depression.
I'm currently writing this while bawling my eyes out, runny nose and stopping to just... do nothing... And I've been feeling like this for the past two or three years.

I've been suffering with depression, Major depression probably. Those of you know me as that guy who's always happy and laughing, that guy who can always be there for you... While this IS me, I've got a shredded hunk of meat that I call me. Filled with sadness and depression that's always in the back of my mind.

I think to myself FUCK why do I feel this way!? I have a family that loves me and a perfect life! No money problems what so ever. But I feel so fucking terrible, Those of you who know me at school. That's the reason why I keep it a secret, it's... been unexplainable and pointless ... until tonight...
In all honestly I just told my mum about this problem and that my late dad, almost WORD for WORD suffered the same problem as I do right now when he was a teenager

Depression.
Trouble at School.
Late Night Addictions. His was TV and mine was the Internet
He had Drinking Problems.
Those who know me, they know my addiction. Coca Cola.

Do you really want to know why I'm so generous? Why I'm always willing to share and give to others? Why I'm always going out of my way to make other people happy? It's because I'm been so... gifted with such a fucking fantastic life, and even though I feel like shit Almost 24/7 I can always try my hardest to make you, my friends feel better than I am now. To see you happy is to make me feel happy. To make you laugh and feeling good is paramount to me.
The only reason I find the ability to get myself up in the morning and not attempt suicide is to make others feel happy.

I may have never meet of you IRL, I may play games with you almost every weekend. I may even share my Ham and Cheese Croissants and Chocolate Milk with you, But I can assure you of one thing. That through the time I've spent with you has been golden. I cannot think of anything more precious to me that the time I've spent with my friends and family.
My time spent with you has been just fucking amazing, I cannot tell you how happy I am to have been with you all. The fact that I've been able to spend time with you all is just brilliant, fan-fucking-tasticallly brilliant. Wonderful, Brilliant Friends.

You're all amazing and I LOVE YOU ALL.
And all It takes is for me to fall over the edge and cry my heart out to realize that to it's fullest.
Do you know you're all my very best friends?

And I wouldn't trade any of the experiences I've had with you for the world.

Also don't think this is a suicide note.
I don't plan to kill myself.
That would be silly.
I don't need to kill myself to prove that people should have loved me, I know this for a fact.... and even if everyone in the world hated me, I'd still love them to pieces. And I know that If I killed myself, that would only bring grief to those around me.
That goes against everything I stand for.

SO PLEASE.
I implore you to do the best you can with your lives, live it to the fullest,
For me.
 
moondoggy23

moondoggy23

Well-Known Member
I don't mean this to sound condescending or pretentious, but it seems you've got a solution to your depression problems. I know it's not that simple, but your desire to make those around you happy and cheerful makes you happy, and that's a step in the right direction. Maybe coming forward to them with this will encourage them to try to make you happy in return. Living one's life to the fullest should be every person's goal. Perhaps that is something you need to strive for as well, and you'll lick this depression thing, and maybe even over come it. If you do happen to get a chance to ACTUALLY lick depression, lets us know what it tastes like. I imagine it tastes a bit like plain licorice. I dislike licorice.

*continues downward spiral of nonsensical ramblings while walking out of blog*
 
lacar1601

lacar1601

Well-Known Member
Hang in there, Beese. We love having you around no matter what mood you are in (so long as you wear your fez ;)).
I definitely plan to live my life to the fullest.
 
konflakes

konflakes

Well-Known Member
I would ask that you hug me, while we are both naked, so that would make at least one of us happy (I won't say who). But you live far away so I shall extend a naked hug to you over the internet.
*Naked Hugs*
 
S

shadowwolf

Member
Hang in there pal, I've had problems with depression ever since my mom abandoned me. If you need someone to talk to I'm here for ya.
 
RemOfShadows

RemOfShadows

Well-Known Member
i went trough the same thing beesmeister, while i couldn't call my life perfect, and i did have some money problems etc, i always felt that there are people out there who are way worse off, and i don't deserve to be depressed. As i told to a certain t9k buddy a while ago, who went trough a tough depression, i can't really help you with it, all i can do is tell you to hang in there, it'll be all better, and coming out about this to people will certainly help, believe me, maybe not instantly, but in at least a month you'll see an improvement :)
 
TheGurw

TheGurw

Well-Known Member
We are all of us hunks of shredded meat, glued together haphazardly and called human. Sometimes the glue just isn't strong enough, and that's why love was invented. We love you Beese!

Also, I'm going skydiving.
 
im3nuron

im3nuron

Well-Known Member
I posted this on Facebook, but I'm still going to paste it here.


Hey Beese, you're the fucking best and don't ever forget that. :D All of Team9000 has got your back bro.
 
Chacalx67

Chacalx67

Well-Known Member
I know that feel, you're not alone. I have a lot of real life problems too, and I've never talked about it on this forum (I'm shy). Depression, addictions, failures, loneliness... sometimes I think I'm a worthless idiot.
I've never been as happy as my licking Amaterasu. I would like to have a better life, but it's hard for me to find anyone who can help me where I live...
 
DutchCheese

DutchCheese

Well-Known Member
sir.. you are an amazing person! wish there were more people like you.
I would absolutely love to spend a day with you.. seriously =3
keep doing what you're doing, it be good things!

and no, i'm not going to talk about my own 'problems' here because this is about you <3
now go play guitar or something, that's also a good thing :D
 
GreenEarth

GreenEarth

Well-Known Member
Sounds like this depression has been going on for a while. You need to go to the doctors and get a thorough checkup and be as honest with them as possible. Maybe get some blood work done to check for mineral or vitamin deficiencies that might be causing your feelings. If this is as serious as you make it out to be you need to get help because this shit is not fixing itself and might possibly get worse, you are a young dude.

And a bit of advice on being nice to everyone. It's like trying to build a skyscraper on a weak foundation (that shit is going to sink). If you are suffering on daily basis you really are not ready to be nice to everyone (that sounds weird I know). I did the same shit in high school, buying food for all my friends, favors for everyone, etc, etc but in the end I got proper fucked by all of them because I was going through a lot of trouble with school and parents and they were not helping. In fact some of them were more of a burden. None of them really helped me after all the help I had given them. Maybe it's just my point of view. Just something to think about.
 
Melexiious

Melexiious

Well-Known Member
@GreenEarth

I plan to visit my local GP ASAP and get a recommendation for a psychiatrist or psychologist.
 
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