Nerd Jokes

[mcfar45]

A thread for us to post all the nerd jokes we can think of!

Why do nerds always get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

 

[konflakes]

What did 1 mcfar45 say to the other mcfar45?
Nothing. They just stared at each other and fondled their nipples.

 

[mcfar45]

No....just no.....

back on topic...

Anything that doesn't matter has no mass.


Q: What do you call it when atomic scientists grab their rods and gather around the old watering hole?
A: Nuclear fishin'

Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

 

[mcfar45]

 

[avroom]

A nerd wakes up and wants to make a toast. He goes into kitchen, opens the fridge and takes out some butter.
He looks at it and reads "70% fat content".
"OH it's still loading", he thinks and puts the butter back.

-----

Two scientists go into a bar.
- "I want H2O please."
- "I want H2O, too."

The second man died.

 

[katphish]

I'm 1/Cos(C) and I know it!

 

[NewspaperCrane]

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

 

[Creeper]

I would tell you a nerdy science joke, but all the good ones Argon.

 

[mikeymagic]

if (a) {
return x;
}
else if (!a) {
return y;
}
else {
return z;
}

In college I worked as a consultant. One day this grad student was having trouble with his Fortran program and brought the printout to me. He said he kept changing things but couldn't get it to run correctly. His analysis: "I get the feeling that the computer just skips over all the comments."

While working on a programming project in highschool with a friend, I mentioned to him that if he really wants to name his variables things like x, xx, and xx2, he should at least put comments saying what they're used for.

The next time I looked over his shoulder, I saw this:

int x; // x is an int

 

[konflakes]

if (a) {
return x;
}
else if (!a) {
return y;
}
else {
return z;
}

lol I am ashamed as a programmer to only realise on the 2nd read through that it will never return z...

 

[3vans]

lol I am ashamed as a programmer to only realise on the 2nd read through that it will never return z...

Hey, a quick question, what code do you guys prefer? And what engines/editors (if any)

Personally, I use lua in love2d, using sublime text 2.

 

[mikeymagic]

Hey, a quick question, what code do you guys prefer? And what engines/editors (if any)

Personally, I use lua in love2d, using sublime text 2.

Well I'm only web dev, so I'm in a complicated relationship with notepad++ / jsfiddle

 

[Nic1234]

I'm pretty sure I posted this somewhere else, but....

Two chemist walk into a bar. One says, I'd like some H2O please. The other says, I'd like some H2O too!

The second one died.

 

[mcfar45]

Well I'm only web dev, so I'm in a complicated relationship with notepad++ / jsfiddle

You should put that as your Facebook Relationship status

 

[mcfar45]

"Paper or plastic?"
"Not 'Not paper AND not plastic!!'"

(Augustus DeMorgan in a grocery store)

 

[batteofomega4]

What do you have against Pluto? Cold? Distant? I don't want to be in a Plutonic relationship?

 

[Jazz007]

SNORGTEES.COM

 

[Melexiious]

Argon walks into a bar. The barman tells him to get the hell out. Argon doesn't react.

 

[Fdbl]

Argon walks into a bar. The barman tells him to get the hell out. Argon doesn't react.

But why doesn't it react?

 

[katphish]

But why doesn't it react?

It's a noble gas. Far right of the periodic table.