Nerd Jokes
- Thread starter mcfar45
- Start date
Fdbl
Well-Known Member
I thought beese missed part of the joke. Meh.
mcfar45
Well-Known Member
Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving and get pulled over.
The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says. "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
The cop thinks this answer is warrant for a search, and finds a dead cat in the trunk.
He asks, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?"
Schroedinger says, "Pft, well I do now."
Politicians think the glass would be more half empty if the opposition was in charge.
Engineers think the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.
Physicists know we don't know how much water is in the glass, because just by measuring it, you've changed the outcome.
The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says. "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
The cop thinks this answer is warrant for a search, and finds a dead cat in the trunk.
He asks, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?"
Schroedinger says, "Pft, well I do now."
Politicians think the glass would be more half empty if the opposition was in charge.
Engineers think the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.
Physicists know we don't know how much water is in the glass, because just by measuring it, you've changed the outcome.
batteofomega4
Well-Known Member
worst joke you will ever see
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want!’”
The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want!’”
The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
NightstormKitty
Member
3vans
Well-Known Member
I saw the best futrama episode where the police arrest a guy who has a dead cat in a box, but they can't be sure.
mcfar45
Well-Known Member
THE 12 NETWORKING TRUTHS
(1) It Has To Work.
(2) No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority,
you can't increase the speed of light.
(2a) (corollary). No matter how hard you try, you can't make a
baby in much less than 9 months. Trying to speed this up
*might* make it slower, but it won't make it happen any
quicker.
(3) With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is
not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they
are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them
as they fly overhead.
(4) Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor
understood unless experienced firsthand. Some things in
networking can never be fully understood by someone who neither
builds commercial networking equipment nor runs an operational
network.
(5) It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems
into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases
this is a bad idea.
(6) It is easier to move a problem around (for example, by moving
the problem to a different part of the overall network
architecture) than it is to solve it.
(6a) (corollary). It is always possible to add another level of
indirection.
(7) It is always something
(7a) (corollary). Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick any two (you can't
have all three).
(8) It is more complicated than you think.
(9) For all resources, whatever it is, you need more.
(9a) (corollary) Every networking problem always takes longer to
solve than it seems like it should.
(10) One size never fits all.
(11) Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and
a different presentation, regardless of whether it works.
(11a) (corollary). See rule 6a.
(12) In protocol design, perfection has been reached not when there
is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take
away.
(1) It Has To Work.
(2) No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority,
you can't increase the speed of light.
(2a) (corollary). No matter how hard you try, you can't make a
baby in much less than 9 months. Trying to speed this up
*might* make it slower, but it won't make it happen any
quicker.
(3) With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is
not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they
are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them
as they fly overhead.
(4) Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor
understood unless experienced firsthand. Some things in
networking can never be fully understood by someone who neither
builds commercial networking equipment nor runs an operational
network.
(5) It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems
into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases
this is a bad idea.
(6) It is easier to move a problem around (for example, by moving
the problem to a different part of the overall network
architecture) than it is to solve it.
(6a) (corollary). It is always possible to add another level of
indirection.
(7) It is always something
(7a) (corollary). Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick any two (you can't
have all three).
(8) It is more complicated than you think.
(9) For all resources, whatever it is, you need more.
(9a) (corollary) Every networking problem always takes longer to
solve than it seems like it should.
(10) One size never fits all.
(11) Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and
a different presentation, regardless of whether it works.
(11a) (corollary). See rule 6a.
(12) In protocol design, perfection has been reached not when there
is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take
away.
mikeymagic
Well-Known Member
actually I just started using sublime text 2, hummagawsh this is so pretty
3vans
Well-Known Member
A konflakes walks into a bar.
Just kidding, konflakes don't stop touching their penises.
(JKS I like you. You're cool.)
Audi
Well-Known Member
That's not a nerd joke; just a really terrible joke.
Dr_LASR
Well-Known Member
Creeper
Well-Known Member
They're called anti-jokes.
TheChilliMan
Active Member
I asked my science teacher what you would get if you combined Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon and Potassium. He only realised what it was when he wrote it out for us.
konflakes
Well-Known Member
0010 type of people would have been a little more obvious, just imo.
Audi
Well-Known Member
I know; but it's not even a good anti-joke.