Darth_Purrface
Well-Known Member
Act III, continued...
Max kept wobbling around his bed during his sleep until daytime due to his nightmares. In fact, he wobbled so much that the bed tipped over. (which is what woke him up for the day) After he was done with realizing wether the bed is on top of him or that he is in the intestines of a tyrannosaurus rex, he heard the doorbell ring, along with the sound of a man screaming WAKE UP!!!
Max: (wobbling around bed) No! Please dont suck my blood! Well.... You can keep the "looking sexy" part, but skip the blood sucking part! PLEASE! (bed tips over while he is still deluged in his dreams. After that racket, he wakes up, still foggy with sleep) Uhhhhhhh! What's going on? (door bell ringing)
Haytham: (faraway voice) Wake up Max! We're late goddamit! (rings doorbell incessantly)
Max: I'm coming! I'm coming! (goes to the back door and opens it) Hello Haytham! (he's not there) Oh, he's in the front door...
Haytham: Would you open the door! My legs are killing me!
Max: Coming! (he sees a burlesque dance live on his left-open-all-night tv, and stops to watch it) Ok, wait a second! I need to watch this sexy dance!
Haytham: I'm tired of this! (breaks down the door and goes to Max and punches him)
Max: HEY! That's assault!
Haytham: Max, I know you really love burlesque shows, but it is time for us to investigate the case the chief of police has told us to solve.
Max: No its not! (telephone rings and Max answers it) Hello?
Chief of police: Max! Why are you not in the Linsday manor?! That b*tch Irene is getting on my nerves, go now!
Max: Y-y-es sir. (hangs up) Ok.... Maybe it is time....
Haytham: (rolls eyes) Then lets go! (he picks up the remote to turn off the tv, but Max halts him)
Max: Don't turn off the tv! That girl is spreading her legs wide open! Pause it you fool!
Haytham: (Haytham sighs and pauses the tv) Let's go now.... (they leave the house and go to the Linsday manor)
Act IV
When the duo finally arrive at the manor, it was much less creepy than they expected. The manor was a large hard-wood structure elegantly fashioned in victorian style. The manor had two wings seperated by a central hall, looking like a T-shape. When they knocked on the very heavy wooden door endorsed with cupids supposedly shooting eachother in the a$$ with heart shaped arrows, they were greated warmly by the master of the house....
Mr. Linsday: Greatings thy guests! Thy knighting (name) is Sir Edward Linsday. Thy will be most delighted to offer thouest a fine room to settle in.
Haytham: But sir, we are just here to investigate your daughter's murder.
Max: And why are you talking like that? This is 1975, not the dark ages.....
Mr. Linsday: Are thou implying that the traditional Royal English speech is not good enough to present to peasants- I mean people?
Max: I didn't say that, I was just-
Mr. Linsday: Thy wife is preparing her jewelry for our mating session at night in the living room, which is in the room laying in the way of thou's path. Go now, for thou has grieved me greatly with your disrespectfull introduction. Off with thouest mumbling! (Max and Haytham walk into the lavish living room as they approached Arianna's mother, Irene Linsday)
Max: Ummm.... Mrs. Linsday... (Irene looks at them in disgust) I'm detective Max Johnson (shows badge) and this is my assistant, Haytham. (Irene looks at Haytham as he smiles nervously)
Irene: You two are a couple of janitors that the chief made into detectives to send to me, aren't you?
Haytham: Well...... Yes....
Irene: (sigh) Come with me. (she leads them into Arianna's pink walled room full of red hearts on the wall with thousands of pictures of Michael Jackson) You investigate as much as you want, left it just as it was after the murder, just without my daughter's body...
Max: Yea.... That's ok.... I guess. (Irene leaves) Ok Haytham, where do we start?
Act V
After a horrendously long search, they finally found evidence, the lipstick itself. (they were so stupid they didn't realize the acidic lipstick lying on the dresser) They tried to find a label, but they didn't see one, until they saw a small dot.....
Haytham: Max! Look what I found! (Max runs up to Haytham) The lipstick!
Max: Is there a label?
Haytham: No, but I found this dot on the cap. Look closely at it, it has the label of the Koala Cabana.
Max: How can you see such a tiny dot? I can't see anything...
Haytham: I have..... Special Eyes!
Max:......... Let's just go to the cabana... (they say goodbye to the Linsday residence and say hello to the Cabana) I love this place! It's where all my favorite burlesque shows take place! Look, the girl I saw on tv is still opening her legs wide open! Lets go and ask her I she has the same brand of lipstick....
Haytham: Are you crazy? She'll call security on you!
Max: Pffffftt..... (he goes to the stage and interrupts the show to ask questions) Madame, I'm detective Johnson, and I wanna ask-
Stripper: SECURITY!!!!
Max: No wait, I'm undercover and need to ask questions.....
Stripper: Oh, questions.... About what I might say?
Max: Well, you see, Arianna Linsday has been murdered by an acidic brand of lipstick a criminal supposedly sneaked into her house. Do you have a similar brand of lipstick?
Stripper: What brand?
Haytham: This brand. (shows lipstick)
Stripper: Oh my, I feel so sorry for my fellow female who got burned by such a brand. You see I had that lipstick once, a cute white cat delivered it to me on the streets. I know it is strange, but the lipstick looked absolutely gorgeous, and so I accepted the "gift", patted the cat, then left. And then when I nearly put on the lipstick, a little touched my fingernail, and burned it. (shows fingernail)
Max: Ouch..... well do you still have the lipstick?
Stripper: Why yes! (takes lipstick out of pocket) It's right here, kept it to see if I could melt whatever crazy man jumps over to my stage...
Haytham: Good! I guess..... Anyway.... hmmm.... The lipstick has some cat fur stuck on it...
Stripper: I told you, it was delivered by a cat....
Max: Well..... we really need to go now.... BAI!! (Haytham and Max leave)
to be continued
