Poland finally snapped.
Allied with Canada, they bombed Australia via secret Canadian nuke reserves and smallpox-ridden koala slaves.
This, in turn, set off supervolcanoes on every continent that just so happened to be linked to Australia by incredibly lengthy TNT cables assisted by extension cords made of supposedly non-existent australium.
(This gives me reason to believe that Richard "MacGyver" Anderson is, in fact, of Australian descent.)
You, Wooty, MacGyver, Vorsprung, and myself are the only survivors. As this is under Mature Discussion, I cannot reveal the details as to our stroke of impossible luck. Well, I suppose you can count me out, seeing as I can't die no matter what happens to me (which ultimately sucks), and I'm not even burnt.
That. in a nutshell, is the haps. The rest of Team9000 speaks beyond the grave because the internet out there is dirt-cheap (oh, look. a pun).