writing a new book...

RedBox

RedBox

Well-Known Member
need some opinions..

Looking up at the sky, seeing the snow fall onto my face, I reached for the stars in the sky. The snow fell all around me. I sat up brushing my long, bright red hair from my face. I heard a howl in the distance; The Wolves, calling to the sparkling, white moon above my head. I rose to my feet, looking into the pitch-black night of the thick, dense forest of the land. I brushed the snow off of my cold legs.
I trudged through the cold snow, getting closer and closer to the road; Farther and farther from that place. Looking into the trees I saw a figure, a figure of lights; Eyes, looking into mine. White as the snow I was standing in, the figure getting closer. I stood straight to face it. It turned to me and stopped 2 metres away from my feet. I was looking into its enchanting eyes; as cold as ice; its fur pure white; as is my skin, a mane black as the night itself.
"What are you doing here?" i said to the wolf, looking to the sky. It hissed at me and sat straight in front of me. "I don't have time for this, Why are you here?" I demanded staring into its eyes. Whispers in the air, flowed through the frost on the trees. I flinched at the sound of footsteps, coming towards me. The wolf disappeared like the snow falling from the sky.


worst grammar ever and I need to edit it. pft, but I don't know if it sounds good or not :L.
 
Meh. "I rose to my feet, looking into the pitch-black night of the thick, dense forest of the land." That sentence doesn't make much sense to me, especially since the sentence before wolves are howling at a "sparkling, white moon" which would imply (to me) not so dark. Also...why would you be talking to a wolf?
 
karmahurts said:
Interesting, when I read the



bit, I seemed to read it as

Father and farther from that place.
Click to expand...
as i said, it needs to be edited heaps... this is only the first copy.

moondoggy23 said:
Meh. "I rose to my feet, looking into the pitch-black night of the thick, dense forest of the land." That sentence doesn't make much sense to me, especially since the sentence before wolves are howling at a "sparkling, white moon" which would imply (to me) not so dark. Also...why would you be talking to a wolf?
Click to expand...
it's explained further in the book, that's only 2 paragraphs.
there's 4 more chapters.
 
3006265797_8b00cdfba3.jpg

seriously though, it is pretty good. That, would what my english teacher will give me an A
 
You should finish it, edit it, get it edited by friends and english teachers and then put it up for sale on the Google ebook store
 
mcfar45 said:
You should finish it, edit it, get it edited by friends and english teachers and then put it up for sale on the Google ebook store
Click to expand...
i will try :3.
it's hard when your 14 and all your friends are rich and have better things to do xD.
 
RedBox said:
need some opinions..

Looking up at the sky, seeing the snow fall onto my face, I reached for the stars in the sky. The snow fell all around me. I sat up brushing my long, bright red hair from my face. I heard a howl in the distance; The Wolves, calling to the sparkling, white moon above my head. I rose to my feet, looking into the pitch-black night of the thick, dense forest of the land. I brushed the snow off of my cold legs.
I trudged through the cold snow, getting closer and closer to the road; Farther and farther from that place. Looking into the trees I saw a figure, a figure of lights; Eyes, looking into mine. White as the snow I was standing in, the figure getting closer. I stood straight to face it. It turned to me and stopped 2 metres away from my feet. I was looking into its enchanting eyes; as cold as ice; its fur pure white; as is my skin, a mane black as the night itself.
"What are you doing here?" i said to the wolf, looking to the sky. It hissed at me and sat straight in front of me. "I don't have time for this, Why are you here?" I demanded staring into its eyes. Whispers in the air, flowed through the frost on the trees. I flinched at the sound of footsteps, coming towards me. The wolf disappeared like the snow falling from the sky.


worst grammar ever and I need to edit it. pft, but I don't know if it sounds good or not :L.
Click to expand...


My English teacher atm sucks. All she focuses on are depressing realistic things. As for what you wrote it's a good start. Are you basing a novel off the premise of this little snipit?
 
bbgunshot said:
My English teacher atm sucks. All she focuses on are depressing realistic things. As for what you wrote it's a good start. Are you basing a novel off the premise of this little snipit?
Click to expand...
there's 3 more chapters :3.
it's kinda an old story but i wanted to keep going with it and continued from the 1st chapter.
 
RedBox said:
there's 3 more chapters :3.
it's kinda an old story but i wanted to keep going with it and continued from the 1st chapter.
Click to expand...
My suggestion with anything written is for it to have some purpose or theme. Everything else will usually mold perfectly around that.
 
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