My interpretation of a Microsoft board meeting (circa 2010):
Exec1: OK guys, I've got good news and bad news. Good news: After our last meeting, our next console will in fact play video games. We've got some of our best average coders working on the development. Also, We're making sure every game released will have to use Kinect on some fashion.
*cheers and applause*
*amidst the cheers, one voice calls out "We're so awesome!"*
Exec1: Calm down, calm down. It's time for the bad news: Due to considerable backlash from "women on the Internet," we will no longer be able to conduct our regular circle jerk sessions inside any Microsoft buildings. Barry has been gracious enough to offer his home and labradoodle to us on a monthly basis.
Exec2: We get our best ideas in our circle jerk!
Exec3: I bought this underwear last week that does this thing with my penis and I'm wearing them today! Who am I going to show it off to now?
Exec4: Barry's labradoodle is nothing like the life-sized Halo doll we've got in the closet. This sucks.
Exec1: I know guys, this is terrible news. I would suggest submitting any complaints to our Human Resources department, but I'm not sure how to use a phone with buttons. Why can't I waggle my arms and the phone interpret my movements and make phone calls for me??
All Execs: Rabble-rabble!
Exec5: Um...guys? Since we can't circle jerk, should we maybe get on with determining our marketing and games strategy for the next few years until our new console?
*silence*
...
...
*40 minutes later*
Exec1: So, nobody is going to say anything?
Exec2: How about we take the last 5 years of innovation, and milk it for all it's worth?
Exec4: What do you mean?
Exec2: Imagine we take some of the best titles we've ever published by studios that either no longer exist, or no longer work for us, and REPUBLISH them with a different game studio? We can have them work on making the game HD and everything!
Exec3: First you offer us your labradoodle, now you come up with this? Barry, you're going places! This is a brilliant idea! It requires minimal effort and money, and we don't run the chance of spending tons of cash on a new game idea and it flopping because we're morons and don't know a good game from our bleached assholes! Harumph!
All Execs: Harumph!
--SCENE--
First the re-make Halo, now Fable. Next they're going to surprise us all with a remake of Perfect Dark at E3 for the Xbone. I know MS isn't the only culprit, but it would be nice to see some new, unique games being made with some of this cash rather than remakes of games from about a decade ago. I've got way too much riding on E3 this year...
