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This is unusual for me.

Unismurfsity

Unismurfsity

Well-Known Member
So this probably isn't at all blog-worthy but I don't know where else to go. I don't usually tell anyone about anything and when I do... it's not at all detailed. But I trust all of you and I just need to put this somewhere.
The truth is you guys, being and doing some of the things I've had to do, and seen, haven't made me stronger.. they've turned me into something that isn't able to cry when they're sad. I'm something that holds everything back until it's too late to turn around and say sorry.
I wish I was something different. I would rather have a family, than a broken piece of my past living somewhere inside me.
I want to go back to the times when I was younger and it seemed like my dad actually loved me. I want to go back to the times when the alcohol my dad consumes didn't change him. I wanna go back and do something different. I want to be someone that my teachers and parents are proud of (which I know is achievable... but very difficult for myself).
Growing up isn't easy.. it's pretty damn hard. And I have no where to go anymore, so I guess the easiest thing to do is wait.. wait for something, wait for the day when my dad kicks me out of the house (Please now). Watch the sun come through my window, and hope that maybe today will be different. Maybe today will make the rest of my life not so bad.
Maybe today, because I'll never know if i have a tomorrow.

That was something. :unsure:
 
Uni, I suggest you seek help for your father, as he seems to be an alcoholic. Feelings are not meant to be surpressed, they are meant to show how much you actually care for something. I've noticed this with myself, as well. You will need to work harder in order to earn things in life. I'm only a young boy, but I've had a lot of experiences. Being kicked out of the house is a bigger deal than it seems. You will miss your family, friends, etc. As long as you believe in it, there will be a bright tomorrow. No matter what. Tomorrow will exist, even if the world were to end.
 
It is difficult to find a family that isn't disjointed now a days. It is a depressing ordeal. Personally, I've always had a burning hatred of my school and have been dieing to get out. My advice is to focus on the best of things and wait out the hard times and struggles. I am a pessimist by nature, so I have to constantly remind myself of these things to keep myself going.
 
I would strongly suggest that you talk to your school's counselor.

I remember talking to my HS's student counselor through some very tough moments, and it helped tons. The counselor can point you to some very helpful youth services - services that are designed to help cope/resolve your problems.

You may have fears about getting people close to you in trouble, but nobody is closer to you than you. It sounds like you're really being eaten up inside and to not seek help would be a great disservice to yourself.

Best of luck, Smurfeh.
 
Jiggly: My moms been begging for him to for 15 years now. He denies he needs it.
Oozi: I would ... but I don't want anyone to know outside. I don't have any friends yet and I just feel like people would find out and then i'd never get any. Maybe one day.

Oh and <3
 
Smurfy, know firstly that we < 3 you.
Next up, don't let it eat you up, don't keep the struggle in, alone, and to yourself. Find someone to talk about it. Your school's counselor are there specifically to be talked to, and they will respect your wishes not to talk to anyone else about it, no matter what. It is what they are there for, you can trust them.
Next, don't blame yourself for any dysfunction. As BB said, every family has dysfunction these days, and in most cases, no one is at fault.
Nextv2.0, it is never too late to say sorry, if a sorry is truly needed. It is never too late to turn to the right track.
Lastly, don't regret, work forward. I've made many a mistake in my life, and the one thing I have learned you can't regret, you have to accept when you make a mistake and move forward in life to making whatever was wronged right.

If you ever need to talk, we are around and never feel you are a burden, as you aren't.
 
Honestly, from just before I turned 10, until just after I turned 19, I was literally incapable of almost every emotion. I couldn't feel happy, sad, or angry. I knew hate and depression - hate was and still is a very important part of my life, but it wasn't a flaring hatred, it was a cold, slow burn that didn't provide any heat; and depression was the reason I'm here today, oddly enough.

Then I started dating my current girlfriend two and a half years ago, and it all began to change. I'm not better, I doubt I ever will be, but when you spend over 9 years not feeling anything, slow change seems like a lot.

This isn't the time nor the place for me to go on about my problems and the reasons for what I went through, but I want you to know that I haven't been where you are, but I've been on nearby path, and had I walked a little slower, I might have seen you.

Keep strong, Smurfy. You're better than life. So live it and kick it's bloody ass.

Also, if you need a place to go, I always have a couch or a room open. It's probably a long ways to walk, but it's here.
 
I won't repeat what everyone else has said, but you're an awesome person, and don't ever think otherwise. Everyone has their problems, and your dad is no different. Just remember, it's not your fault, he is an adult and makes choices just like everyone else. Don't blame yourself for other people's problems. We are glad you mentioned something here, but remember there are people out there whose very job is to help people in your situation. Your school counselors can help, and they can do it in a way that won't lead other people to realize your issues. Stand strong, and find a reason to go forward for yourself before you worry about other people. There is so much for you to do out there, I would suggest focusing intently on school, get into the college you want, and get the fuck out of there. Do well, and get grants and scholarships to pay your way through, and you won't ever have to worry about going back to your family IF that's not what you want to do. The choice is yours, you just have to make it.
 
The biggest problem I have, is I don't know what it's like outside of this pit. It's been like this for me from day one, beginning with my parents fighting and always a very angry and tense household. Then my older brother, whom I liked the most, was kicked out at 17. And since then, I've done some things I should have never ever done, and they're addicting (no not drugs). As gurw said about his girlfriend, I also have someone (which is probably silly to say at my age) but they made me promise not to do that certain thing ever again ... but it's almost even more depressing because I am unable to actually see this person. Which is why I'm here today in this uncharted territory of my own.
And <3 to you all you're all so amazing.
 
Remember. We all care about you smurf and you can tell the members of team9000 anything. The members here are the best listeners in the world. And lots of them can give you great advice as you can see below. I can't really give any other advice since it has already been said. What I will say is remember people love and Care about you.
 
There's not much I can say that hasn't been said. Don't hold back your feelings Smurf, holding them inside is not healthy and can lead to serious problems down the road. If there is any way whatsoever, try to get help for your father. If nothing can really help his problems, focus a lot on school and get to a good university or college. Just stay strong and talk to your Mom more (from what I've heard she seems to understand more). Everyone here loves you, and if you need to be here to have somewhere to go and people to talk to then take advantage of that. Talking to a school counselor could really help the situation, they're pretty good at making things non obvious. Minecraft Classic would of been unbearable lately without you. Stay strong and don't do anything dumb like cuss out your parents. That would only make things worse. <3
 
This is just my experience from when I was away at university when I was 17/18:

I had the same feelings toward leaving home to go to school as you do now, and that is totally fine because there are thousands of people going through the same feeling. The most important thing to do is make friends there, because if I never made friends in my dorm that I still talk to three years later, I think I would have nearly lost it. Make friends in your classes and study with them, make friends that have the same hobbies you have and hang out when you have free time. Yes, going away to college is/can seem like the scariest thing in the world, but I would not trade the experience I had there for anything. Also, a good way to get your mind out of all the negativity going on is to really indulge yourself in school work. At least that seems to work for me.

But as several have mentioned, definitely talk to your counselor, because if nobody at the school needed advice or help, there wouldn't be counselors.
 
I would be all for making friends. But everyone judges me for my stack of bracelets and music I listen to. People are meanie butts. Haha.
 
I'll tell ya what. You get into the University of Washington, or somewhere around there, and you can come chill with me. Stay in the dorms, find roommates and live off campus, or sleep on my couch, whatever, but there are several of us in Team9000 out in that area (in my case soon to be out there) so if you make it out there, you know you already have friends to hang with. If you have other plans, that's fine too, as we are always here, no matter where you go. Whatever your plans, focus on the future and you'll be out of there in no time.
 
Or if you go to Washington State University in Vancouver, you can hang out with me; Casey, I am still disappointed in you... :p
 
@ Casey
You have no idea, how much of a pedo that made you sound like. Haha

@ Unismurfsity
I feel like that sometime (Not entirely the same, but similar) and i just find it like a mood swing. You probably will get over it sometime. If not try and talk to them about it.

If all else fails. You have us <3
 
Nice, but obviously I am talking about when she heads off for college, not right now. Good job taking it out of context. :p
 
Well, everyone's given great advice already so I won't say too much :p just know that we're all walking with you, whichever path you take. We'll always be here to support you, and to talk to whenever you need us - feel free to PM me or anyone else you're closer to if you ever want to just splurge it out.
That wasn't the best way of putting it, but you know what I mean :D <3
 
Seeking approval from anyone for me sounds like choosing to run a marathon while jumping in a potato sack. You don't have to make anyone proud, just get mad rich and everyone will love/hate you. That counts for alot.
 
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