I do not think xecutioner should be allowed to come back.
It hurts me to say this, because I am not the kind of person that enjoys confrontation, or deciding another's fate, no matter the situation or how meaningful/unmeaningful it seems to one person or another in the grand scope of life. If what he said in his first post above is true, being a part of a community online is very important to him, and taking that away from him seems cruel to me.
Xecutioner was always nice to me. He took a liking to my guitar playing on mumble, and I never had a negative interaction with him or saw him being mean to others. It now seems that this may simply have been because I do not spend as much time on mumble as I used to. It is disheartening to hear how he has treated some of the other members of our community, if it is true.
I would like to take a moment to share with you all a very personal and private self-reflective writing piece I wrote a number of years ago during high school. It is rather dark, I warn you, but it has never been more relevant than now.
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My Hyde Syde
Sly and slick, I creep among my peers. Secretive, shallow and shameless I slander them. I judge them. I discriminate them. I see the fat bitches; the stupid blondes; the sluts; the Jews; the Muslims; the blacks. I cry out in anger, and frustration. Each of them is an enemy, a sinful bastard. I want to lash out. I want them to suffer. Inside my head my thoughts are racing, raging, ridiculing. Still and silent, Hush! Not a word. Calmly and serenely, I walk down the hall. Expressionless, I take great care. Like the sun hiding the swelling storm, to cover my dark and sinister mind, should my secret escape. A compliment and a friendly remark are nothing but a means to fit in; A constant repression of the truth. At any moment he is ready, waiting to burst fourth. Barraging and blabbering, he will surely ruin me. I must keep guard at the gate. But at home, online, I am nothing but a name, not even my own. Free from the pressure of society, I let loose, no longer afraid of my social status.
I run rampant, reveling in my freedom. Faggot! Nigger! I say them without fear. I try to hold on. Gay! Retard! I devoted my summer to these words. I campaigned to end their use forever. These same words that I call my friends out on are my own. I have taken my morals, my values, and everything I stand up for. Temptuous and turbulent, I twist my being. My mind contorts like a mangled body—the victim of a brutal beating. There is no ledge to regain my foothold. I slip, sliding down into oblivion. Ass hole! Fucker! Homo! All is lost. But not a word matters. No one will ever know who, or why. Back at school, I am dying, doomed, desperate to escape from reality; Escape from each fucking flawless face, each one a lavish lie. Just like me, they are desperate too. I pity them, as they try to pleasantly please each pathetic person. But again, I speak not a word. My blank face reveals nothing.
The man on the news, a malicious murderer whose only crime is the truth, is banished forever. He failed. He failed to repress his true identity, and he is dismissed, discarded from society. My society has turned into one where the better man is the man who can hide himself; Disguise himself. I am elite, the top of my class. I hide myself where I want; when I want; how I want.
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It is the nature of online interaction to slip into this state of uncaring and defaulting to maliciousness and hate. I don't think anyone here can truthfully say that they have not at some point said something mean or nasty to someone online. It is true that the majority of us will never interact with one another in person. Other than potentially being banned, this means that there are almost no consequence for behaving poorly. There is no pressure to conform to society's expectations of treating each other with respect and tolerance.
We all judge other people. Just like in my writing piece above, none of you can deny that you do not do that as well as you walk down a hallway or see people being mind-knumbingly stupid in everyday situations. We all discriminate and think derogatory thoughts in our heads, but what makes someone a good person worthy of interacting with others in a setting such as this community is in their strength to not let their thoughts impact their actual interactions with others. We each make a choice each time we write something in a chat or say something over mumble, and in that choice we have the ability to stop ourselves from saying hateful things to another person. We have the opportunity to make that conscious decision about what we are saying, if it is a necessary thing to say, and what impact it will have on the recipient(s).
If xecutioner insults people on a daily basis and lacks the strength of character and willpower to overcome his hateful thoughts in his interactions, then he has absolutely no right to be here. This does not just go for him. I have been around in this community for close to 3 years now, and I have seen/heard about interactions between community members no different than the ones people have been saying above about xecutioner. In my mind, not saying hateful things about another person comes so naturally that I am astounded and flabbergasted when I hear about them.
I will not lie, there are some members of this community that I like more than others. There are some that I may even go as far as saying that I dislike or hate. But what is so phenomenally interesting, is that not a single person reading this or even those people who I hate would ever know who they are/who those people are. I challenge each of you to try and be the same way.
If you can allow yourself to hate someone but never let that impact your actions or interactions with that person, then you have succeeded in repressing your hatefulness and have succeeded in being a kind and supportive member of this community. You rock!
For the reasons addressed in this post, I have come to conclusion that xecutioner is not someone who is currently capable of keeping his hate to himself. This is not a reflection on who he can or cannot become as a person, but I hope he reads this and feels empowered to change. We are all capable of defining who we are as a person. Xecutioner, I do not hate or dislike you, but I am disappointed in you. If you can make an honest effort to change your character, I believe that the person you are capable of becoming is someone who I would readily welcome back into the community, but that is up to you.
