Nazi Zombie Army 2 Giveaway

JerzeyLegend

JerzeyLegend

Well-Known Member
Ok, so here goes.

I have 3 more copies of Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army 2.

This contest will be a little competitive and silly.

Make me laugh! Make me laugh my fat ass off, be it original joke, copied joke, video, picture, SOMETHING! Can be original or plagiarized, just make me laugh loud and make milk come out my nose *not that last one*.

Top funny 3 by Tuesday night will get a copy.

ok! GO!
 
There are 3 Spies that get captured. One spy is French, one is German and the other is Italian.

Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4 hours before he tells them what they want to know.

They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing. 4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.

The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds, "I wanted to, but I couldn't move my hands!"

:D
 
An Irishman is drinking at a bar. It closes and the man gets up to go home, he promptly falls down. The man tries again and again, falls down. He reasons that some air will sober him up to go home.

The man crawls outside and waits for 5 minutes before trying again. He falls down. Resigned to his fate he crawls the 3 blocks home and falls asleep on the couch, not wanting to wake his wife, who is upstairs.

He is woken up by his wife yelling at him "I can't believe you! You went out drinking again!"

The man confused as to how is wife immediately knew he was out, asked how she knew. "You idiot!" She says, "The bar called, you left your wheelchair there, again!"

Fun little joke I read! Even more fun for me cause I am part Irish! ;)
 
Err so I dug these out of the vault just for you Jerzey..

Alimber at his best;
https://soundcloud.com/connor-matthews-18%2Falimber-a-wee-bit-drunk
7hSxi.jpg

7hSyZ.jpg
 
Vorsprung said:
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
Click to expand...

This... I read this in your eloquent voice too. This is a good one, maybe in the Top 3.
 
Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."


What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
 
Vorsprung said:
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for bestiality, but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes.
The plane's engines set on fire and plane starts going down.
The teacher says, "Save the children!"
The lawyer yells, "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, "Is there time?"

Paedophiles are fucking immature arseholes.

My last girlfriend called me a pedophile. Pretty big word for a 12-year-old.

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Disabled toilets are, ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

A poor man meets a rich man around Christmas. So the poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?"
The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes."
The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him "So, what are you getting your wife this year?"
The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "A pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich man asks "Why those two things?"
The poor man astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."
Click to expand...

I feel like you and Jimmy Carr would make incredible friends, sounds so much like his material i'm not even sure it isn't pasted. You have my vote, hahaha.
 
Winners:

Vorsprung, because that shit is hilarious.

Conrod because you not only made me laugh, but you made me cry and feel nostalgic. I miss the good ol' days.

Antecus because I did that once and I died laughing reading about it!

Taco and Noma you both were good. However those guys did it for me.


I'll distribute tonight.
 
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