Uni, there's something i can advise you to do, while whatever you've seen/done/felt has certainly made you stronger, made you immune to certain emotions, and maybe has made you build up huge amounts of emotions inside you, don't let that strength and heaviness bring you down, make it into a virtue, let that strength and experience help you make a better life for yourself instead of waiting for it. If there's something i realized when i was in that state (never gotten trough it completely), it was that with whatever happened to me and whatever i regretted, there's something i'm still in control of, and that's my future, and i'm doing everything to shape it to my liking, I advise you do the same...