Joke thread

You want yo momma jokes?

Heres some right off the top of my head...

Yo mommas so fat it would take a Sherman and Bear Grylls to explore the caverns of her obese chin rolls
Yo mommas so fat she counts as her own star system
Yo mommas so fat doctors need to set up camp around her arms just to get a pulse
Yo mommas so fat simply killing her will remove world hunger.
 
Yo mamma's so dumb, she tried to put M'nM's in alphabetical order.

Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people shout "Taxi!"

Yo mamma's so fat, when she goes to the beach, Japanese scientist try and harpoon her!
 
katphish said:
nic1234.
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Problem_Face_by_BrunowskiSigs.png
 
Little boy Bobby received a homework assignment from his English teacher. He was to come up with 5 phrases to use in a later writing project. Of course, poor Bobby was highly uncreative, and he decided to ask his family for help after he went home.
He first went to his older sister's room, where she was chatting away with her friends on her cell-phone.
"Hey sis, can you give me a word?" Bobby asked.
The very annoyed sister simply responded with "Shut up!"

Next, Bobby went across the hall to his brother's room, who presently has his gf over for the day.
"Hey bro, can you give me a word?"
The brother, not having heard a word Bobby said, actually responded to his gf's question, to which he replied "Sure baby, let's go."

Bobby went to see his father next. His father was currently disposed in the bathroom, but Bobby could hear him singing through the door.
"Deep, deep down in toilet. Deep, deep down in toilet."

Next Bobby went into the living room where his other brother was watching the football game.
"Can you give me a word?"
"Go, go, Forty-Niners!"

Finally, Bobby went to ask for a phrase from his mother, who was cooking dinner. Unfortunately, before Bobby could finish asking his question, the smoke alarm went off and his mother screamed, "My buns are burning! My buns are burning!"

The next day, the teacher called on Bobby for his 5 phrases.
"Ok Bobby, what are your words?"
Bobby started with "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked at the apparent disrespect, asked if Bobby should like to visit the principal's office.
Bobby replied with "Sure baby, let's go."

So there Bobby was, sitting in front of the principle's desk. The principal asked where he lived, and Bobby sang, "Deep, deep down in toilet! Deep, deep down in toilet!"
It was clear to the principal that Bobby was a sure troublemaker. "How many spankings do you need?" the principal asked.
"Go, go Forty-Niners!"

So after receiving his forty-nine spankings, Bobby ran out of the principal's office while clenching his buttocks and screaming "My buns are burning! My buns are burning!"
 
lacar1601 said:
Little boy Bobby received a homework assignment from his English teacher. He was to come up with 5 phrases to use in a later writing project. Of course, poor Bobby was highly uncreative, and he decided to ask his family for help after he went home.
He first went to his older sister's room, where she was chatting away with her friends on her cell-phone.
"Hey sis, can you give me a word?" Bobby asked.
The very annoyed sister simply responded with "Shut up!"

Next, Bobby went across the hall to his brother's room, who presently has his gf over for the day.
"Hey bro, can you give me a word?"
The brother, not having heard a word Bobby said, actually responded to his gf's question, to which he replied "Sure baby, let's go."

Bobby went to see his father next. His father was currently disposed in the bathroom, but Bobby could hear him singing through the door.
"Deep, deep down in toilet. Deep, deep down in toilet."

Next Bobby went into the living room where his other brother was watching the football game.
"Can you give me a word?"
"Go, go, Forty-Niners!"

Finally, Bobby went to ask for a phrase from his mother, who was cooking dinner. Unfortunately, before Bobby could finish asking his question, the smoke alarm went off and his mother screamed, "My buns are burning! My buns are burning!"

The next day, the teacher called on Bobby for his 5 phrases.
"Ok Bobby, what are your words?"
Bobby started with "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked at the apparent disrespect, asked if Bobby should like to visit the principal's office.
Bobby replied with "Sure baby, let's go."

So there Bobby was, sitting in front of the principle's desk. The principal asked where he lived, and Bobby sang, "Deep, deep down in toilet! Deep, deep down in toilet!"
It was clear to the principal that Bobby was a sure troublemaker. "How many spankings do you need?" the principal asked.
"Go, go Forty-Niners!"

So after receiving his forty-nine spankings, Bobby ran out of the principal's office while clenching his buttocks and screaming "My buns are burning! My buns are burning!"
Click to expand...
Classic.
 
The funniest joke I have ever heard. This is the transcript from Norm MacDonald as he tells "the moth joke"

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, and the podiatrist's office says, "What's the problem?"

And the moth says "What's the problem? Where do I begin, man?" He goes, "I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and uh, all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don't know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there."

And the podiatrist says, "Oh yeah?"

And the moth goes, "Yes." And he goes, "Uh, at night I...I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that's on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don't know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the...in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch... I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I... that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only the cowardice was stronger then perhaps...perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all."

He says, "Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I'm a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I'm not feeling good.

And so the doctor says, "Moth, man, you're troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?"

And then the moth said, "'Cause the light was on."


that joke always puts me in tears, and hearing him perform it and adding the comedic timing to the joke, definitely makes that one of the funniest jokes of all time.
 
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