Religion Problems

amaterasu

amaterasu

Active Member
I'm in a really awkward and horrible situation.

So, a few months ago, I decided by myself that I no longer believed in God, nor any deity for that matter. I kept it to myself because of my family's strict religion traditions,until now. Today, I told my parents about it.

Both of them were nearly in tears.

I felt really bad seeing my own mom cry, and my dad have such a disappointed look on his face. When I said what I did, I didn't think that it would have such an effect on the family, and they'd be more understanding. Apparently not.

I really don't know what to do in this situation, and I need some guidance and help to get through this.
 
Wow. I can't give you more props man. I've kept it from my parents for the same reason. In terms of needing help, here is what I can advise. The first few weeks they will still be feeling the same as they were, disappointment, etc. Just try and talk to them, be open about it. The worst thing that can happen is your parents closing up and not even talking to you anymore. You need to have a casual talk with them about it.
 
amaterasu said:
I'm in a really awkward and horrible situation.

So, a few months ago, I decided by myself that I no longer believed in God, nor any deity for that matter. I kept it to myself because of my family's strict religion traditions,until now. Today, I told my parents about it.

Both of them were nearly in tears.

I felt really bad seeing my own mom cry, and my dad have such a disappointed look on his face. When I said what I did, I didn't think that it would have such an effect on the family, and they'd be more understanding. Apparently not.

I really don't know what to do in this situation, and I need some guidance and help to get through this.
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Well, I don't really know what sort of advice to give. But you do have to think in their point of view.

While I may not agree with this view myself, most Christians think that not believing in God means you're going to hell, so telling them that pretty much is guaranteed to get that sort of reaction. I don't have any sort of experience with this sort of thing myself so I unfortunately can't help you much, sorry.
 
Patchouli said:
most Christians think that not believing in God means you're going to hell
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That's there's a complete misconception. There's not a single person who has gone to hell because they don't believe in God. Biblically, every person deserves hell because he/she has sinned against an infinitely holy God, but because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice, his righteousness is imputed to those who believe.

A lovely example of sarcasm in the first half of James 2:19
"You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!"
 
As Patchy said, most Christians believe that if you don't believe in God, you're going to Hell.

To Christians parents, this is basically the equivalent of leaving a suicide note or announcing you're going to kill yourself.

Certainly you don't expect them to take that very well.
 
You did the right thing in telling them.. Although you stirred up feelings at the same time it is better they know then to have you worshiping in a god you no longer believe in. Now of course since i don't know your parents i can't tell how they will react in the near future, but if they are as strict as you say they are with religion it won't be easy. But no matter what they do you need to make sure they know this is YOUR decision and forcing you to go to church will do no good.
 
I went through the same thing. Many of my friends are devout Christians, even though I'm an Atheist. It was rough for a long time, but I think my friends and family have realized that I need to make my own decisions about what I believe.

I think my transition may have been a bit softer because I didn't start with "I'm an Atheist" I started with "I'm agnostic... I really don't know." Telling my family that I wasn't sure seems like a softer way to go about it.

One of my best friend's is in seminary school. He still tries to 'save' me. At first I was annoyed by this... Now I sort of appreciate it. While I don't agree with him, its nice to know he doesn't want me to burn in hell, even if I think I'm just going to rot in the ground.
 
Anaxo said:
That's there's a complete misconception. There's not a single person who has gone to hell because they don't believe in God. Biblically, every person deserves hell because he/she has sinned against an infinitely holy God, but because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice, his righteousness is imputed to those who believe.

A lovely example of sarcasm in the first half of James 2:19
"You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!"
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I didn't say I agreed with it. But you cannot say that there are not a TON of people who do believe this.
 
You have nothing but my support dude, I have a Christian family and even attended a catholic primary school. Can somewhat relate to what you are going through. Just make sure to educate yourself as much as you can, and articulate your points of view clearly when/if questioned and you will be fine. Drop me a PM if you get in any sticky situations, I'll be more than happy to help.
 
amaterasu said:
I'm in a really awkward and horrible situation.

So, a few months ago, I decided by myself that I no longer believed in God, nor any deity for that matter. I kept it to myself because of my family's strict religion traditions,until now. Today, I told my parents about it.

Both of them were nearly in tears.

I felt really bad seeing my own mom cry, and my dad have such a disappointed look on his face. When I said what I did, I didn't think that it would have such an effect on the family, and they'd be more understanding. Apparently not.

I really don't know what to do in this situation, and I need some guidance and help to get through this.
Click to expand...

I'm going to link you to what I said in another thread. While it is not exactly your current situation, it definitely has relevance to what you are dealing with right now. https://www.team9000.net/threads/religious-parents.26183/
 
Good for you jig!

It'll be awhile before the come to grips with your beliefs, but they will come around! Just talk to them about it, and try and answer some of the probably many questions that they have. :3
 
amaterasu said:
I'm in a really awkward and horrible situation.

So, a few months ago, I decided by myself that I no longer believed in God, nor any deity for that matter. I kept it to myself because of my family's strict religion traditions,until now. Today, I told my parents about it.

Both of them were nearly in tears.

I felt really bad seeing my own mom cry, and my dad have such a disappointed look on his face. When I said what I did, I didn't think that it would have such an effect on the family, and they'd be more understanding. Apparently not.

I really don't know what to do in this situation, and I need some guidance and help to get through this.
Click to expand...

I'm glad that you are making your beliefs your own. It's a sign of honesty in that you are refusing to be something that you believe you are not. It shows that you are searching for the truth.

In the words of Socrates, "Know thyself." This is the best way to figure out what you believe and most importantly, why you believe what you believe. Ask yourself this very important question,"Why do I not believe in a god?" It's surprising how much the subconscious mind can actually control what someone may end up believing. Look for your heart's answer, not the reflexive response that your brain will tell you for assurance.

For lack of a better phrase, "coming out of the closet" can be a very tough ordeal. People close to you may be shocked, disappointed, or even angry at you because of your beliefs. When they see the true you rather than the fake one, it can shake them up a little.

I think your parents are trying to understand, but the shock of the matter is leaving them in tears. Give them a little time to recover, then have a long talk with them about it. Good parents will listen to what you have to say and try to see things from your point of view. Let them ask you questions, even the hard ones. And yes, even the ones you can't bear to answer, because they will come.

Just think really hard about your beliefs. Meditate on them when you wake up and when you lie in bed. Let it sink in. If you want, consider talking to a counselor that belongs to the religion you were once a part of. He will help you dig deeper into why you believe what you believe. Better yet, just talk to your friends about it. If they are good friends, they will be sincere with their speech and try to guide you down the path they believe is right.

Personally, as a Christian, I pray that you will deeply ponder the thoughts of your heart and find the truth. You may not believe in God, but I believe God is still there, waiting comfortingly for your reply. Just remember that tomorrow is never guaranteed, and time is short. Are you ready to bet your life on what you believe?
 
Serenity595 said:
I'm glad that you are making your beliefs your own. It's a sign of honesty in that you are refusing to be something that you believe you are not. It shows that you are searching for the truth.

In the words of Socrates, "Know thyself." This is the best way to figure out what you believe and most importantly, why you believe what you believe. Ask yourself this very important question,"Why do I not believe in a god?" It's surprising how much the subconscious mind can actually control what someone may end up believing. Look for your heart's answer, not the reflexive response that your brain will tell you for assurance.

For lack of a better phrase, "coming out of the closet" can be a very tough ordeal. People close to you may be shocked, disappointed, or even angry at you because of your beliefs. When they see the true you rather than the fake one, it can shake them up a little.

I think your parents are trying to understand, but the shock of the matter is leaving them in tears. Give them a little time to recover, then have a long talk with them about it. Good parents will listen to what you have to say and try to see things from your point of view. Let them ask you questions, even the hard ones. And yes, even the ones you can't bear to answer, because they will come.

Just think really hard about your beliefs. Meditate on them when you wake up and when you lie in bed. Let it sink in. If you want, consider talking to a counselor that belongs to the religion you were once a part of. He will help you dig deeper into why you believe what you believe. Better yet, just talk to your friends about it. If they are good friends, they will be sincere with their speech and try to guide you down the path they believe is right.

Personally, as a Christian, I pray that you will deeply ponder the thoughts of your heart and find the truth. You may not believe in God, but I believe God is still there, waiting comfortingly for your reply. Just remember that tomorrow is never guaranteed, and time is short. Are you ready to bet your life on what you believe?
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Off topic for a moment, but this is the first time I've seen you post in a thread that isn't your's. I might just be blind, but. Gonna mark this day on the calendar.

On topic, personally, I think religion is what one makes it. Some people see it as a farce, others believe it through and through, yet everyone has a different way of showing it. Some people stand by it, no matter what, others have a much more relaxed approach. From experience, I've swapped my stance on religion several times before ultimately deciding I just don't care. I don't label myself as anything, because I don't care one way or the other. Is it true? Cool. Is it all false? Cool. I'm not going to change my life to better accommodate a set of guidelines, when I could just live happily, and the way I want.
 
amaterasu said:
I'm in a really awkward and horrible situation.

So, a few months ago, I decided by myself that I no longer believed in God, nor any deity for that matter. I kept it to myself because of my family's strict religion traditions,until now. Today, I told my parents about it.

Both of them were nearly in tears.

I felt really bad seeing my own mom cry, and my dad have such a disappointed look on his face. When I said what I did, I didn't think that it would have such an effect on the family, and they'd be more understanding. Apparently not.

I really don't know what to do in this situation, and I need some guidance and help to get through this.
Click to expand...

And this is why Religion sucks. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

This is what I feel is so devastating about many religions around the world. They are passed from parents to their children who have no say in the matter and at such an early age that they have no choice but to accept it and believe it unconditionally. There is almost never choice when dealing with religion until adolescence. Children have no choice. They are chained to the beliefs of their parents, who in turn were chained to those of their parents. It is for this reason, and this reason only, that I believe religion is still around today. It locks people into belief from childhood in a never ending cycle. Freedom of thought rests in one’s abilities to challenge what he or she is told. It allows one to ask questions. Far too often in religion, asking questions is frowned upon as sin. Religion in this sense stifles any prospect to overturn it.

Your parents are a textbook definition of this, and I hope you can see that plain as day. At the end of the day, it should be your choice and your choice only whether or not you believe in god. Your parents have poisoned you, in a sense, because you have to go through this emotionally charged and difficult time in order to choose for yourself. I wish you the best, and feel free to shoot me a pm whenever. I am always open to talk to someone.
 
@ChibaMasato: Haha, it is indeed a surprising occasion. :p I just don't post on the forum very often as of late.

Back on topic, I have also swapped my stance on religion several times. I had to find what I truly believed rather than what I thought I believed. I think it is good you are pursuing happiness; I just hope you search for it in the right places. In my beliefs, I don't think there is "relative truth" when involving the eternal questions. If there is order in this universe, why wouldn't there be order in the afterlife?

Really, what you believe always comes down to how you want to live your life, or what you wish to attain. A Catholic will follow the Seven Sacraments in hopes of securing salvation; a Buddhist will try and attain enlightenment to become one with "god"; a Muslim will try and please Allah so that they can go to paradise. An atheist will usually try to attain intellectual or physical fulfillment by either pursuing the sciences and knowledge or pursuing work, family, friends, and their desires.

In relation to amaterasu's predicament, what he wishes out of life will ultimately be a reflection of what he believes. Some people seek pleasure; others seek intellectual or spiritual fulfillment; still others seek to serve their deity. I think in order for amaterasu to get through what he is experiencing, he needs to decide on what he really wants out of life, and whether what he wants will ultimately leave him satisfied, or if it will only leave him hungry. It's his decision to make, and I hope he makes the right one.
 
Stratadon said:
And this is why Religion sucks. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

This is what I feel is so devastating about many religions around the world. They are passed from parents to their children who have no say in the matter and at such an early age that they have no choice but to accept it and believe it unconditionally. There is almost never choice when dealing with religion until adolescence. Children have no choice. They are chained to the beliefs of their parents, who in turn were chained to those of their parents. It is for this reason, and this reason only, that I believe religion is still around today. It locks people into belief from childhood in a never ending cycle. Freedom of thought rests in one’s abilities to challenge what he or she is told. It allows one to ask questions. Far too often in religion, asking questions is frowned upon as sin. Religion in this sense stifles any prospect to overturn it.

Your parents are a textbook definition of this, and I hope you can see that plain as day. At the end of the day, it should be your choice and your choice only whether or not you believe in god. Your parents have poisoned you, in a sense, because you have to go through this emotionally charged and difficult time in order to choose for yourself. I wish you the best, and feel free to shoot me a pm whenever. I am always open to talk to someone.
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In my opinion, any and every question about religion can be answered by the right person. I've always had my questions and things I wasn't sure about answered, as I read the Bible and asked other people, which is why I'm still Christian. In my opinion, people who convert away from Christianity because they find a factual discrepancy haven't been talking to the right people. But I digress.

Basically, Jiga, my advice to you is make sure this is what you believe. Talk to people, have discussions. You're making a choice that'll affect the way people see you (As much as I hate to admit it) and it will affect a lot of expirences in your life. For Christian, Athiest, or whatever religion you come out as at the end of all of this, you'll be a better person more sure of their faith and self in general.
 
As a Mormon, I can say you're not going to hell, and you're always welcome on my planet.

But seriously, I've been through similar things with my parents, and when they see you're not painting pentagrams on your floor or gargling chicken blood they'll probably come to grips with it, it just takes time.
Don't be mad if they keep questioning it for a long time, or if they act like they don't believe it.
Just be patient is the best advice I can give.
 
Luckily for me I decided I didn't wanna go to church anymore and my parents respected that, and I then said I was agnostic and then pretty atheist but honest couldn't care less and they respected that. Now I'm able to discuss opposing views with them regarding science/evolution/other stuff and get a very interesting debate with them without them feeling ashamed. Its like that Bill Nye debate only the other guy isn't bat shit retarded.

But seriously, IMO it seems almost selfish when parents are to the point of tears/are greatly disappointed in their child because they don't think and believe they same way they do. If they had any bit of respect for you they would fully accept what you believe or don't believe and not force it on you or make it a huge life impacting event on you or themselves.

Stratadon said:
And this is why Religion sucks. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

This is what I feel is so devastating about many religions around the world. They are passed from parents to their children who have no say in the matter and at such an early age that they have no choice but to accept it and believe it unconditionally. There is almost never choice when dealing with religion until adolescence. Children have no choice. They are chained to the beliefs of their parents, who in turn were chained to those of their parents. It is for this reason, and this reason only, that I believe religion is still around today. It locks people into belief from childhood in a never ending cycle. Freedom of thought rests in one’s abilities to challenge what he or she is told. It allows one to ask questions. Far too often in religion, asking questions is frowned upon as sin. Religion in this sense stifles any prospect to overturn it.

Your parents are a textbook definition of this, and I hope you can see that plain as day. At the end of the day, it should be your choice and your choice only whether or not you believe in god. Your parents have poisoned you, in a sense, because you have to go through this emotionally charged and difficult time in order to choose for yourself. I wish you the best, and feel free to shoot me a pm whenever. I am always open to talk to someone.
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This, and this also reminds me of a documentary I saw on Netflix called Jesus Camp which is the product of this amazing gif:
raptor-jesus-rave-camp.gif


But the documentary in itself doesn't just cover your ordinary camp, its this disturbing insight into the almost "extremist christian" view and how its pushed onto the next generation and in its own way and almost makes you angry at the people that have warped children's minds to think the way they do in the doc.

But regardless, glad you said what you needed to and hopefully they come to respect your decision further down the line.
 
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