Religious Parents

Flaunty

Flaunty

Active Member
So, today was probably the breaking point of my family's threshold of my position on being an Agnostic Theist. While driving in the car on from an appointment for a Doctor's visit, my father flares out into all an all caps rage because I did not want to go into conformation of the Catholic religion. I sat calmly, as he yelled and flaming me, going on about how I was going to hell and how I "f***ing dare to disgrace the (family) name". My mother on the other hand is cool with it, but she disowns me aswell.

So yeah. Anything I can do to help calm down the situation for upcoming years until I move out, or just let them rage on?
 
I will say your parents did a very poor job in trying to discuss their views on the matter. I'm not as familiar with the dynamics of Catholicism as I am with those of Christianity, but it is very counter intuitive to go about trying to get someone to understand, and even conform to your beliefs if you go about it in that sort of manner.

It seems immensely selfish of them to want you to be a Catholic simply because they want to keep up a sort of family image. If you are to be Catholic, Christian, or whatever denomination suits you, you should want others to be apart of it because they actually believe in, and have faith in those beliefs.

I will be completely honest, I am a Christian, and I do believe in god, and I do believe it would be beneficial to be apart of the church. However, it is very understandable that you would be disinclined to do such a thing because of your negative predisposition towards the idea, partially, if not mostly due to your parents poor handling of the situation(s).

As for a immediate solution, I would suggest attempting to help your parents understand why you don't agree with what they believe in. If they still are unable to carry out a decent conversation with you, or able to provide a good reason for wanting you to go to church besides "it will make me look bad," then I'm afraid you may just have to play along enough to escape them, if it really is as bad as you have described.

While I do not agree with your beliefs, I also do not agree with the logic of your parents, and cannot support their reasoning either. If you are an "agnostic theist" simply due to the poor influence of your parents, then I would advise you try to look past this, and understand that disillusioned "religious" people are not what you go to church to be apart of, or become. It is to have faith in what is true and absolute. However, if you have other reasons for your religious affinity, then I suppose your reasons are a bit more complex.
 
Do they want you to take part in religion as a whole, or Catholicism specifically? Because there are some workarounds where you can say you're part of a religion while not keeping any beliefs.
 
For those of you who ain't Irish (hue)

Confirmation is a Catholic sacrament. It's all about becoming more of a part with the Church, and it's part of four things Catholic kids do to get on the track of being good ol' bread-an'-wine lovers.

> Baptism
> Confirmation
> Reconciliation
> Communion

The long and the short of it is that Flaunty's parents are trying to cement his bonds with the Church. Like, once you're confirmed, you're a part of the Church (you're already a member through Baptism but Confirmation just... confirms it).

TL;DR? It's just more weird Christian bullshit to lock you into religion

Source: I'm a confirmed Catholic (but clearly that should be phrased as "was" or something)

This was not a good explanation
 
I'm a Baptist and I always find it so weird how many Christian turned Atheist are from the Catholic faith. Seriously what are Catholic people doing that causes this? From my point of view it seems to stem from the strictness in following that faith.
 
Riein said:
I'm a Baptist and I always find it so weird how many Christian turned Atheist are from the Catholic faith. Seriously what are Catholic people doing that causes this? From my point of view it seems to stem from the strictness in following that faith.
Click to expand...
Catholicity is no less strict than any other branch of Christianity; they're all pretty strict.

Given that Catholics have some weird shit that is hard to get your head around.

Catholicism also tends to be quite compromising (at least at the local level, bishops and popes are clearly not progressive), so people go "well, if science can explain things, why do I need to eat crispbread"
 
bbgunshot said:
I will say your parents did a very poor job in trying to discuss their views on the matter. I'm not as familiar with the dynamics of Catholicism as I am with those of Christianity, but it is very counter intuitive to go about trying to get someone to understand, and even conform to your beliefs if you go about it in that sort of manner.

It seems immensely selfish of them to want you to be a Catholic simply because they want to keep up a sort of family image. If you are to be Catholic, Cristian, or whatever denomination suits you, you should want others to be apart of it because they actually believe in, and have faith in those beliefs.

I will be completely honest, I am a Christian, and I do believe in god, and I do believe it would be beneficial to be apart of the church. However, it is very understandable that you would be disinclined to do such a thing because of your negative predisposition towards the idea, partially, if not mostly due to your parents poor handling of the situation(s).

As for a immediate solution, I would suggest attempting to help your parents understand why you don't agree with what they believe in. If they still are unable to carry out a decent conversation with you, or able to provide a good reason for wanting you to go to church besides "it will make me look bad," then I'm afraid you may just have to play along enough to escape them, if it really is as bad as you have described.

While I do not agree with your beliefs, I also do not agree with the logic of your parents, and cannot support their reasoning either. If you are an "agnostic theist" simply due to the poor influence of your parents, then I would advise you try to look past this, and understand that disillusioned "religious" people are not what you go to church to be apart of, or become. It is to have faith in what is true and absolute. However, if you have other reasons for your religious affinity, then I suppose your reasons are a bit more complex.
Click to expand...
Thanks, bb. I don't generally see religion as being a negative thing towards me, being the fact that I am an Agnostic Theist. My belief simply states that all religions have a certain value and truth to what they might conceive, but are not completely truthful. For example, Christians have a great life moral set. They can teach the great way of right and wrong, and help lead you in the right direction to keep your life out of problems. But, you can say that maybe the supernatural isn't true. Also including that Atheism, science is an answer for most things that you come across in life, because it's helped up get to where we are today. But, it cannot prove the records of our past, and it cannot solve and logically explain EVERYTHING. So, we come to see the both false and truths of both of theses religions. But it's merely a analytical perspective on religions, and taking small pieces of each to really just make your own. So in a sense, my belief is that all religions have some good to them. Also, my parents did not draw me away from my religion , it was simply the people in my (short) lifetime that I've gotten to experience in retrospect with others. If I would look back from other people's lives that I've met and the people that have converted and the people that have other religions, it makes sense as to why people have their religion, but it's just a matter of choice of what you want to believe in. As I've said, I respect all religions as they hold at least a small amount of truth. So yeah. It's a choice that I've decided for myself that I'd like to keep.
 
Ustulo said:
Do they want you to take part in religion as a whole, or Catholicism specifically? Because there are some workarounds where you can say you're part of a religion while not keeping any beliefs.
Click to expand...
They're pretty much using it as a label. It's nothing more than an agreement for my family's sanity.
 
MiniCacti said:
Hearing these things always disappoints me. It gives my beliefs a negative reputation. ;(
Click to expand...
The religion doesn't have anything to do with the person's choice, though. It's just the way my parents were brought up that you HAD to be catholic. It's not the church's fault, but rather than poor parenting.
 
Flaunty said:
Thanks, bb. I don't generally see religion as being a negative thing towards me, being the fact that I am an Agnostic Theist. My belief simply states that all religions have a certain value and truth to what they might conceive, but are not completely truthful. For example, Christians have a great life moral set. They can teach the great way of right and wrong, and help lead you in the right direction to keep your life out of problems. But, you can say that maybe the supernatural isn't true. Also including that Atheism, science is an answer for most things that you come across in life, because it's helped up get to where we are today. But, it cannot prove the records of our past, and it cannot solve and logically explain EVERYTHING. So, we come to see the both false and truths of both of theses religions. But it's merely a analytical perspective on religions, and taking small pieces of each to really just make your own. So in a sense, my belief is that all religions have some good to them. Also, my parents did not draw me away from my religion , it was simply the people in my (short) lifetime that I've gotten to experience in retrospect with others. If I would look back from other people's lives that I've met and the people that have converted and the people that have other religions, it makes sense as to why people have their religion, but it's just a matter of choice of what you want to believe in. As I've said, I respect all religions as they hold at least a small amount of truth. So yeah. It's a choice that I've decided for myself that I'd like to keep.
Click to expand...

I think this could have been said more clearly, but for the most part I think I understand what you're saying. I suppose that you'd call me Agnostic Theist as well. Though I don't exactly try to classify my belief's, and for the most part I typically align myself with an overall christian belief set which is why I have a cross tattoo... but then again I have many other belief's... it's just weird i guess lol.
 
MiniCacti said:
Correct, but their actions reflect poorly on Christianity.
Click to expand...
I guess. I'm just saying if you're not looking at it in an objective way, then yeah. I can see what you're saying.
JMAL77 said:
I think this could have been said more clearly, but for the most part I think I understand what you're saying. I suppose that you'd call me Agnostic Theist as well. Though I don't exactly try to classify my belief's, and for the most part I typically align myself with an overall christian belief set which is why I have a cross tattoo... but then again I have many other belief's... it's just weird i guess lol.
Click to expand...
Heheh, that's pretty cool.
 
Riein said:
I'm a Baptist and I always find it so weird how many Christian turned Atheist are from the Catholic faith. Seriously what are Catholic people doing that causes this? From my point of view it seems to stem from the strictness in following that faith.
Click to expand...

For me it was things that I learned in school; I just feel like everything I learned seems more realistic than any religion.
 
I am an Agnostic too, but i just go along with the religious stuff my parents and grandparents believe in to make them happy. It's not like I lose anything from participating in these religious activities other than time you can spend on other things. Just think of it as family bonding time. It is all about harmony between your family members.

Btw, I am technically Buddhist.
 
My dad is a Lutheran pastor, I went to the same small baptist private school from kindergarten through 12th grade, I would also consider myself to be agnostic. To this day though, my dad has no idea that I am agnostic because it is not worth the fight/debate that would ensue. I know exactly where you are coming from. Growing up, I was forced to go and do everything for the church and it was worse for me because my dad was the pastor and to be honest, was judged harshly if we ever missed a service or an activity, and because I was a minor, I could not say or do anything about it and it was just so much easier to just go along with it than to resist. Just because you go along with what your parents religious views are for the sake of peace does not mean that you have to believe a word of it. your parents are happy that you are making the motions and then you can do what I did. find a job that will keep you busy on Sunday. As much as I would have loved to be able to sit down with my parents and explain my thoughts and concerns about religion, they were just too set in their ways to even have a remotely calm conversation.

Best thing like I said, just go along with it, ask questions, learn as much as you can about all the religions while you are there....mostly because well you are there you may as well get something out of the deal...also it is fun to watch people squirm when you ask a question they don't know how to answer, and eventually, you will be an adult and out on your own and with the knowledge you gain, you will have a hell of a good time debating the religious nuts that come to your door trying to peddle their version of bullshit at you.

so to you I say, good luck, and have as much fun with it as possible, because it seriously only will get better, even though you have to lie to your parents about everything just to keep them from having a stroke because they are incapable of considering another religion.

Also as I say to so many others, my inbox is always open if you have any further questions, you guys know where to find me.
 
I say your parents are giving the religion a bad image, it is like how I ignored my parents because of how racist and.... contradicting they sometimes were when concerning religion.

I'll just tell you, rebellion against your parents is HARD if they are very attached to their beliefs......

(OH, and follow bbgunshot's advice too) :p
 
I used to be a serious Catholic. (went to Catholic schools, church was an every other day thing, and I relied on "god" for everything). Why was I? My parents are both from Poland, basically where if you aren't Catholic, you're like a piece of shit. After I grew up a little bit, around the beginning of high school I found religion illogical and dumb. I told my parents I would no longer participate in religious activities and I was just going to be atheist. Boy were they mad, but after they saw how much I progressed in life not being held down by religion they accepted the fact I wasn't going to be their "perfect child".
 
My family, particularly my dads side is very catholic. I had my confirmation. I have not been to mass since hat day, however I have been visiting churches, for the architectural side.

And my family accepted me as I am. I honestly don't know where I belong. Guess I am catholic, but not really? I don't consider myself atheist either.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top