Now now my dearest Cardinal, we must start from the beginning! Yes, the story of creation.
Tacosis 1
1 In the beginning The Great Taco in the Sky created the tortilla and the shell. 2 Now the tortilla was formless and empty, blandness was over the surface of the floppy shell, and the Spirit of Taco was hovering over the empty tortilla.
3 And The Great Taco in the Sky said, “Let there be beans,” and there were beans. 4 The Great Taco in the Sky saw that the beans were good, and he separated the lighter beans from the dark. 5 The Great Taco in the Sky called the light beans “pinto,” and the dark he called “black.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
6 And The Great Taco in the Sky said, “Let there be a vault between the beans to separate bean from bean.” 7 So The Great Taco in the Sky made the vault and separated the beans under the vault from the beans above it. And it was so. 8 The Great Taco in the Sky called the vault “rice.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.
9 And The Great Taco in the Sky said, “Let the beans under the rice be gathered to one place, and let brown rice appear.” And it was so. 10 The Great Taco in the Sky called the brown rice “whole grain,” and the gathered beans he called “lentils.” And The Great Taco in the Sky saw that it was good.
11 Then The Great Taco in the Sky said, “Let the land produce vegetation: lettuce-bearing plants and guacamole on the land that bear toppings with deliciousness in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing toppings according to their kinds and trees bearing toppings with guacamole in it according to their kinds. And The Great Taco in the Sky saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.
14 And The Great Taco in the Sky said, “Let there be salsa in the vault of the rice to separate the pinto from the black, and let them serve as signs to mark spicy times, and deliciousness and heat, 15 and let them be chunky in the vault of the rice to give spiciness on the tortilla.” And it was so. 16 The Great Taco in the Sky made two great salsas—the greater salsa to govern the strong taste buds and the lesser light to govern the feeble. He also made the peppers. 17 The Great Taco in the Sky set them in the vault of the rice to give spiciness on the tortilla, 18 to govern the pinto and the black, and to separate juicy from plump. And The Great Taco in the Sky saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.
20 And The Great Taco in the Sky said, “Let the beans teem with hearty meat, and let chicken fly above the tortilla across the vault of the rice.” 21 So The Great Taco in the Sky created the great meatiness of the tortilla and every scrumptious thing with which the tortilla teems and that juices about in it, according to their tastes, and every poultry according to its kind. And The Great Taco in the Sky saw that it was good. 22 The Great Taco in the Sky blessed them and said, “Be delectable and increase in number and fill the rice in the tortilla, and let the yumminess increase on the tortilla.” 23 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.
24 And The Great Taco in the Sky said, “Let the tortilla produce beefy morsels according to their kinds: the barbacoa, the creatures that stimulate the tongue, and the carnitas, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 The Great Taco in the Sky made the barbacoa according to their kinds, the carnitas according to their kinds, and all the meat that lay in the tortilla according to their kinds. And The Great Taco in the Sky saw that it was good.
26 Then The Great Taco in the Sky said, “Let us make Taco in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the beef in the tortilla and the chicken in the rice, over the pork and even tofu, and over all the meaty goodness that sits along the tortilla.”
27 So The Great Taco in the Sky created Taco in his own image,
in the image of The Great Taco in the Sky he created them;
soft and crunchy he created them.
28 The Great Taco in the Sky blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
29 Then The Great Taco in the Sky said, “I give you every cheesy cheese on the face of the whole earth and every cheese that has flavor with zest in it. They will be yours for topping. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give Taco for food.” And it was so.
31 The Great Taco in the Sky saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
Tacosis 2
1 Thus the Burrito and the Taco were completed in all their vast array.
2 By the seventh day The Great Taco in the Sky had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. 3 Then The Great Taco in the Sky blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
